Happy New Year!

Even Camilla’s underwear is wet! (Photo by John Nyberg)

1 January 2014

S – I have just phoned Camilla to wish her a Happy New Year and things are already not looking good. She is in the middle of a field overlooking the sea, chasing sheep. She is helping Toby out as he has organised for the ewes to be pregnancy tested today, and the weather is unbelievably dreadful. There were a few expletives followed by “I must go, will talk later”. It is lashing with rain and the winds are extraordinary – she is not in a happy place! Camilla is not a great lover of the festive season and took her decorations down this morning. Now I don’t like the decorations hanging around for weeks into the New Year but New Year’s Day is a bit early for their removal, even for me.

We Need A Strategy In Place!

Too much celebrating going on!

Boxing Day

Have had an eventful couple of days over the festive period. We both, needless to say, over imbibed and in fact feel we may have let ourselves down. Camilla taking an alcohol induced tumble (and not off her horse) and Sheshe failing to complete the cooking and serving of the lunch, having to take to her bed, for health and safety reasons, before serving Christmas pudding!

Numerous text messages have been exchanged discussing possible New Year’s resolutions and the feeling that we really must take ourselves in hand and begin to act our age, before one of us ends up with a broken hip!!!

We definitely need to get a strategy in place before New Year is upon us.

Hamper Still A Mystery!

Preamble

S – we seem to have lost the plot a little as yesterday we managed to “like” our own post and we can’t seem to get rid of it. We are really not that Narcissistic!

Gadding about on the moors more my cup of tea! (Photo by Ali Taylor)

24 December 2013

S – still wondering who on earth your hamper could be from. Hope it is from a well heeled chap.

C – I have always fancied going out with a Jonty, Casper or Hugo – what do you think?

S – maybe an Irish chap would nice – someone earthy who likes to get his hands dirty like Diarmuid Gavin – I will have to Google him – don’t know how to spell his name.

C – that’s a bit more Lady Chatterley’s Lover than Bridget Jones’s Diary and you don’t have a summer house, or even a garden shed, for all the passion to take place in!!

S – I feel sure I could improvise on the lack of shed, but was thinking more “swashbuckling” you know Heathcliff ish – all that gadding about on the moors much more my cup of tea. Or maybe we need to get into the 21st century, rather more like “Fifty Shades of Dorset”. I can see it all now, we need to set it in West Bay as that is where all the good TV drama is set these days.

S – LOL – like your thinking – what about a Gabriel Oak or Sargent Troy as I quite fancy the uniform – oh the list goes on!!

C – yes, I did like Tom Cruise in Officer and a Gentleman?

S – we could be at this all night – what fun. Ooh, yes – definitely doing it for me; a man in uniform 

C – more fun than wrapping presents and cooking supper. On another subject, I had a very funny morning at my first clean the other day, as tensions were running high and voices raised over Christmas decorations and where to put them. She said that she was fed up because he had done nothing towards Christmas.

C – I fear it is the same in every house in the land!

S – Cheers, I will drink to that.

Sheshe and Camilla would like to raise a glass of something bubbly to say a big thank you to all our loyal followers of Text Messages From The Edge. It is by way of a double celebration; not only is it Christmas Day tomorrow but we have now got “100” followers, and have enjoyed every minute of it. 🙂

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Who Is My Mr Darcy/Gabriel Oak?

A Huge Thank You To Whoever Sent This!!

Preamble

S – I am afraid we have been rather “up to our eyeballs” in it over the last couple of days culminating in my son and I spending a whole day in hospital waiting for him to have a brain scan. Much to everyone’s relief it turned out to be a false alarm and all is well. Camilla had her estate agents hat on yesterday, (I often worry that she is wearing the wrong hat as she flits from job to job. Still onwards and upwards, and at last we are once again blogging together, all be it briefly).

21 December 2013

C – delivering Christmas cards for estate agents in a large block of flats. Just been stuck in dark underground car park trying punch in the key code for the access doors. Thank God for those much maligned glasses with lights, as it was impossible to see the small numbers in the dark. Every budding estate agent should be issued with a pair on day one. This is the second time these glasses have saved my bacon in the past week. Whilst at a totally candle lit carol service, other attendes struggled to read their hymn sheets. I quickly switched on my glasses and was able to see clearly and sing loudly. Looking up from my hymn sheet I noticed a look of pure envy from the other carollers! Result. Thinking of putting the spare pair on e-bay to see how much I can get for them. I can provide a detailed description of the advantages of owning such a wonderful pair of glasses and all monies could go towards my New Year credit card bill which will, like everyones else’s, be eye watering!

S – I could do with them – would you consider an upfront payment instead of submitting them for auction on e-bay? Talking about money – have just read poor Nigella is trying to put her life back together after the appalling lies and revelations of drug addiction. She has appointed a Life Coach and is taking a luxury holiday to America – oh that all of us could do this when our life goes “tits up”.

Later …

C – guess what; Christmas is looking up at last. I clearly have a secret admirer – I found a Marks and Spencer food hamper on my doorstep – how wonderful. This has made my Christmas; no name on card so have no idea who to say thank you to.

S – maybe it is from Toby or HRH.

C – not a chance but will be flashing it under his nose when he gets back from pub. Oh, I can feel a post coming together. We could do with a Mr Darcy/Gabriel Oak character to spice things up – if it is good enough for Bridget Jones it is good enough for me. I wonder who he is (of course, I suppose it could be a she but we won’t go there). Watch this space.

No “It” For A Week!

No Sex Please We’re British! (Photo by Dominik Gwarek)

18 December 2013

C – forgot to tell you that after I had my device fitted the nurse was very concerned that I should not have “it” for a week and tried to push a large packet of condoms into my hand. I told her that I did not need them and that having a “week off” would not be a problem. In fact, I said that I also had some friends who could perhaps do with a “no it” note for their husbands at this busy time of year. However, I again seemed to be in the company of a professional who had, had a “sense of humour bypass”!

S – oh dear, I don’t think they’re allowed a sense of humour in the Family Planning Clinic. You really don’t need to be in that place at your age!

C – and, oh joy, have car back but battery has been disconnected so I can’t use radio. I do not have the code needed to get it working. Having spoken to Dorchester Ford they said they have changed hands approximately 16 times since car was purchased; so they do not have a record of my code. I will have to take car in so they can remove radio and e-mail Ford UK to get the code. And guess what – there is a £20 admin fee to do this. How I enjoy these little challenges – not!!! PS: Saw your little car going into theatre for open heart surgery!

S – the quote for ours is just over £1,000 – exactly what you need a week before Chirstmas!!!

Christmas Fever

Christmas Stress

C – sorry have not been in touch over the last few days but am feeling a bit like the English Cricket Team, down in the dumps and defeated by Christmas fever. I suppose that’s better than being in the jaws of the Aussies at the Ashes.

S – oh, was only saying to Charlie no text messages from Camilla to cheer up my day. Why so down in the dumps?

C – have got the pre Christmas blues, you know how I hate it when everyone goes into “Commercial Christmas Overdrive”. Crystal has sent me the most wonderful Christmas Apron with a note to say “Saw this and thought of you”.  I will send you a photo.

S – I heard a really funny item on TV being discused the other day that may cheer you up. Is was about the return of the hair scrunchy? It has been described as the track suit bottoms of the hair world. Can you believe people debating such nonsense? Some fashion guru was discussing the fact the if you wear a scrunchy you should not make the mistake of leaving the house.

C – is it the same as those hair grips on ether side of your face that you are always forgetting to remove before leaving the house. 🙂 What is the definition of a scrunchy?

S – well I am told it is a lot of fabric wrapped around a hair elastic. They come in many shapes, colours and fabrics and I think they can be the perfect accessory for the festive season, if worn in velvet or a sparkly material. Do you think they are suddenly coming back into fashion? And by the way, you know how sensitive I am about my curly hair. I need those hair grips in when my hair is wet otherwise I end up with frizzy wings on either side of my head!

C – yes, I know – will make sure that when you are with me you are never seen in public sporting them! Think I will do the Christmas supermarket trolley dash at five in the morning as I can’t stand the crowds. By the way I have ordered the Christmas wreaths, will collect tomorrow and the bad news is they have gone up this year to six pounds each!!

Any Pudding Wine In A Storm!

Do you think it was past its sell by date? (Photo by Wim Demortier)

C – I found myself at home last night, after a particularly stressful day, in the unenviable position of not having a bottle of wine in the house. I was forced to rummage in the darkest depths of the drinks cupboard that houses all those beverages that one is not too keen on (sporting, of course, my illuminated glasses). At the back of the cupboard I located a bottle of “Dessert Wine” purchased for Christmas lunch last year; a perfect accompaniment to the homemade Delia Smith Christmas pudding ; a sipping wine, not a tipping down your neck wine. I could only manage half a glass. It tasted a bit like cough medicine on its own; of course that could have had something to do with the fact that it had been open since last year!

Having tasted it and decided that, like Sheshe and me, it is a little past its best I need to purchase a new bottle for this year’s festivities. Can anyone recommend the perfect “Pudding Wine”?

Feedback On Our Christmas Newsletter Post

Holidays – perhaps they are best avoided!

Preamble

Again a rather busy time with Camilla at the estate agents and me running around in circles with everything that is happening at the moment. We did, however, have some feedback on our Christmas Newsletter Post.

26 November 2013

C – Phoebe is still off sick. No idea what is going on with her. Have lost the plot this morning. Toby is swaning off to Brussels for a supposed networking trip, so that is just about the icing on the cake. PS: I had a text message from Helena in response to blog about “Christmas Newsletters”, it read:

Ha, ha Christmas Newsletters. Mine would say; This year my mother has gone gaga, my father has his head in the sand and my kids think money grows on trees – aghhhh. Loving the bit about George but you should have said, not only did he write the car off, but he dodged several panes of glass and a barbed wire fence!!!

Later …

C – had a funny conversation with a friend about going on holiday and how men always feel the need to have more sex when on holiday. She said that when she is away she wants to be on holiday from sex, not have more! My response to this dilemma was to not go on holiday and therefore avoid any expectations.

Why The Christmas Newsletter? Grumpy Old Woman Strikes Again!

Could we just stick to cards please? (Photo by Zsuzsanna Kilian)

C – I have been hauled over the coals by Sheshe for blogging about Christmas already and bringing the whole Christmas thing up, when we are still in the month of November. However, I like to be prepared, so my thoughts turned to Christmas cards. I found my Christmas card list in a draw and happened to stumble upon a “Christmas Newsletter” from last year.

Why do some friends feel the need to inform us annually, and in such detail, of their family’s achievements throughout the year and what their little darlings have been up to since last Christmas. These newsletters fill me with dread and are, more often than not, painfully embarrassing to read. If I were to pen one it would probably not contain quite such positive news! Mine would be full of teenage dramas and all manner of grief that has been endured during the past year (call me a synic if you must). I would call it “The Real Christmas Newsletter” and here are a couple of snipits from our year gone by.

We were so proud of George passing his driving test first time; what a shame he managed to write the car off within six weeks of this achievement!

Phoebe has begun to find her feet at her new school and we are enjoying her pushing the boundaries.

Do people truly think we are impressed with all the guff that we read when we open our Christmas cards and these newsletters flutter onto the breakfast table. Waxing lyrical about little Tommy or the wonderful holidays they have had this year, and the plans for the skiing trip in the New Year. Please just send us a card with a jolly greeting or, better still, scrub round the cards altogether and give the money to some deserving charity!

Whose Idea Was Secret Santa Anyway?

Bah, humbug! (photo by Kym McLeod
Australia)

C – I was faced with the dilemma of the Secret Santa this weekend in the office and have been struggling with the whole issue since. I have only been in the job for two weeks and thoughts are swimming in my mind like: Will I be judged by my new work colleagues as to the success of my purchase? What should I purchase for someone I do not know and have never met? The only information I have is gender and the amount of money to spend! Is this a test? What is the protocol for this situation? I think some serious research may need to be done before buying anything. I find myself wondering if people stick to the price limit or go over the top in an effort to impress.

The next dilema will, of course, be the Christmas meal. As a new employee I do not want to seem stuck up or stand offish by not going but could really do without the additional expense of spending money I have not yet seen on some dried up turkey and vegetables. I won’t even be able to have a drink as I will need to be on my best behaviour, and not put my foot in my mouth before I even really get it in the door, so to speak. No pressure then!

Sheshe and I had a team talk this morning. We decided that it will be some considerable time before that very much talked about, beautiful Shearling coat (in cream preferably), which is worn by several of the yummy mummies we know, is hanging in our wardrobes; however, all hope is not lost. Sheshe has the catalogue safetly in her grasp and she is most adamant that we will be ordering one each for our trip to the BBC. The conclusion of the team talk was that we should keep all chins up and our moto from now on is “nil desperandum”!! After much discussion about the fact that we still do not fully understand the theory of Twitter and Tweeting it was agreed that we should turn our attention elsewhere, for the time being, and have decided that:

WE WANT TO GET FRESHLY PRESSED!

Is this achievable? I quickly type the above sentence into google and press the search button. We wait with anticipation and within seconds the answer arrives on my screen. Five ways to get featured on freshly pressed – then the words “Savvy Writers” appears on the screen (this is definitely for us). We gather around the computer and read each step. We work through all five of them and feel that we most definitely tick all the boxes. Therefore, we agree that it is only a matter or time before we receive an email inviting us to indeed be Freshly Pressed.