Eyes Glazed Over And Definitely Past My “Sell By” Date

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

14 January 2015

C – just thinking about lunch, I managed to make a ham roll before leaving the house, but have to be honest and say the roll is a bit past its sell by date, like me, so not over excited about eating it. May have to pop out and find something a bit more delicious to keep me going this afternoon. Any suggestions?

S – M&S always the best. I have dip and raw carrots – very healthy!

C – yum, I fancy some of that will pop down to M&S and see what they have to offer.

S – Michael brought me to work this morning as my car is in the garage – it failed its MOT – needs new headlight and wheel baring – about £200! What fun. Just seem to tip everything I earn into someone else’s pocket!

C – oh bugger it, bloody cars just drain every penny one has. I look around at the people in this office who seem to have lovely clothes, immaculate hair and are constantly holidaying in Shamal Shake (can’t spell it), or similar. I can’t even afford a weekend away, still have not paid this months Council Tax, credit card is maxed out and Toby is swanning around as if we do not have a care in the world!

S – holiday for the two of us in Sharm el Sheikh would be very nice! Still have all afternoon to go in this office – not sure I can stand it – it is also so cold here today!

C – lovely and toasty in my new temperature controlled office. Maybe that is why there is some woman here, the very wrong side of 50, walking around in an extremely short knitted skirt and a see through blouse; what is that all about? She clearly did not look in the mirror this morning. Am feeling out of shape myself. We really need to do some kind of low impact exercise at the gym. All this sitting and eating is just going to continue to pile on the pounds; maybe we could look at Pilates Classes. I know we have talked about this before, and nothing came of it, but we could go straight after work so then we won’t have to go home and come back again. We could change at the gym then take our sweaty bodies home afterwards. What do you think?

S – I think it is a good idea – will look at Leisure Centre website.  This time we need to take it seriously and do something.

C – well, am very bored and my eyes are glazeing over looking at this computer. I feel like running up and down the office screaming blue murder – reminds me of Reggie Perrin on the TV many years ago. Help, am sinking into depression.

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With Money At Least One Can Be Unhappy In Style

Some longer boots needed in my office!  (Photo by www.joy-of-cartoon-pictures.com)

Some longer boots needed in my office! (Photo by http://www.joy-of-cartoon-pictures.com)

12 January 2015

C – looking around the office I feel it may be necessary to blog about the correct length of ones skirt, should this be dictated by age, height, body weight, shape or all four? What is the case for above the knee or below the knee – definitely some “above the knee” going on here that should not be!!? Oh, and forgot to tell you I sent lady we bought pony from a text just after Christmas – I was trying to get hold of a dressage test that I had sent for but had not arrived in the post. She texted me back saying they were in Switzerland skiing for the New Year, so she was unable to help me. How wonderful would that be to just up and dash off skiing for New Year; so wishing I had money, it can buy you happiness whatever they say.

S – yes I am with you there – all this crap about it not buying you happiness – as far as I am concerned if you have money you can at least me unhappy in style!!

C – how right you are. However, I have had one piece of good news today.  I am entitled to a free eye test which my new job which I have booked in for next Monday, as have not had one for years and I get £55 towards glasses; all good. Just got my pay slip at last and it seems £81 has gone into my pension. Will give them a call today and find out the details of this pension as I don’t want to pay into something I know nothing about.

S – free eye test and money towards glasses – how wonderful!

C – need to make a mental note to myself as I had a complaint from one of the Officers that I was working too fast and bombarding him with files to sign quote – “I never get files back to sign so quickly”. Gosh need to be slower.

S – yes, it makes everyone else look bad if you work too fast.

Later …

C – so bored it is like being in a library with no one to talk to, you must have lots on today or the boss is in, as your e-mails are sparse. All ours are off to a meeting this afternoon so I am hoping to get a bit of a rest from looking busy. Have got to re start putting stuff on that database this afternoon; my mind will be scrambled by home time. How is the cat?

S – no, boss not in but have been busy setting up filing cabinet. Cat fine – just had to have a check up on stitches – how does that work – I came out of hospital after caesarean section with six inches of staples in my stomach and no check up for me – just told to come back in two weeks to have them removed. But … if you are a cat you must have your stitches checked three days after your operation in case of infection!!!!

C – yes, much better treatment for animals and they get put down as, unlike us, they do not have to suffer a long slow demise. Half the office is off sick it would seem. Head of Admin, who has my cough, has been signed off work for two weeks, I missed a trick there, next time I may get myself a sick note.

S – but you do not have that permanent contract yet so no two weeks off sick for you!

Close Your Eyes And Think Of England!

Must try not to do too much typing and, yes, I do remember using one like this!  (Photo by Robert Messenger)

Must try not to do too much typing and, yes, I do remember using one like this! (Photo by Robert Messenger)

4 June 2014

C – at first clean and leg is still bad this morning. Thought it felt better when I got up, but now I am on my feet it is not so good. Mind you I have been down to the stables, got horses in and taken dogs for a walk all before 7.45 am. Oh for a lay in! I have heard nothing from the antipodes – thought the phone would be red hot after I put those old photos of us all on Facebook.

Later …

C – have just been asked to get undressed for mammogram and now have to expose enormous lopsided boobs to nurse – what fun! And to boot I came out of the wrong door and ended up “flashing my bazookas” to the poor lady who was waiting to go after me!

S – oh dear – had mine last week and did not flash them to the general public. No, not fun but it has to be done. I am on DES Accounting Course at work and it is putting me to sleep. Get me out of here!

C – poor you, that DES is hideous – I had to do a course when I was on the bank staff. Close your eyes and think of England.

5 June 2014

S – Paul and Judy came for a drink last night. I definitely have a problem. Drank a shed load more than anyone else and feel ghastly this morning. Think the only answer is to go tea total, as I just don’t know when to stop. How is your leg?

C – leg still bad. Nearly finished antibiotics but they do not seem to have helped. I know what you mean about the drink but we only live once. I started on the red last night (after the white) – big mistake – only consolation is that I was able to have a lie in – didn’t have to get up until 7.30am, yippee.

S – getting up that late, whatever next?

C – oh hell – just had call from solicitors dealing with George’s university accommodation and they did not receive my cheque for £500 for the deposit for his rent. I know I sent it as I have the cheque stub and it was with the signed tenancy agreement, which they have – most peculiar. Have had to cancel the cheque and do a bank transfer for £500 which I thought I had paid – I must keep a tighter control on my finances!

S – keeping control of finances not easy. We don’t seem to manage it very well at all.

C – just arrived at Charminster clean. She was still home as running late. She was munching on something that did not look at all healthy. Kids were playing up and shouting lots – hooray, there is a God.

S – just arrived at work. My wrist is still bad but did not want to take day off sick (unlike others I could mention). So life is not all a bed or roses, wine and chocolates at Charminster, after all. Another one of hose perfect lives that is perhaps not so perfect.

C – yes, perhaps it is the case – I don’t think anyone’s life is perfect. If you can, try not to do too much typing!

Rugby Trip Causes Rift

Think things have now been patched up!  (Photo wwwlordpirce.co.uk)

The Game of Rugby – a bit like married life! (Photo wwwlordpirce.co.uk)

8 May 2014

S – Michael has just read our post of yesterday. His comment was that, in some cultures, it is the duty of a good wife to be fully adept at pleasing her husband – not in ours was my reply!!!

C – I would rather learn to change a car tyre or strip down an engine than that! TV man is hopefully coming tomorrow. I managed to find a large pile of ironing which kept me busy for some time. Also, Toby managed to get onto iPlayer last night on his laptop and it worked a treat – he was sound asleep in the chair within minutes and I was able to slide off to bed undisturbed to read my book – result. How are things in the office? Patrick has been on the phone non stop. He has been in his home town visiting all the old faces. George is with him and they are threatening to put a ghastly photo of me in my shorts with my very, very white legs on Facebook. I told George there would be no topping up his account if that photo goes public.

S – those white legs should be kept under wraps – you don’t want them plastered over Facebook. Am alone in office, thank goodness.

C – on second clean and then need to go to town to shuffle funds around, yet again. Oh, and have had massive row with Toby who thought he was going on the Rugby Tour. Have told him in no uncertain terms that if he goes he need not bother to come back as I will have changed the locks on the doors. Think I made myself clear!

S – when was he planning on going on the Rugby Trip and has he already paid for it?

C – tomorrow, I think. As you can imagine we are not speaking. Do not think he has stumped up any money as he does not have any. He is sleeping in George’s room so next thing he will be having and affair because his wife does not understand him. That will give us some blogging material!

S – he will get over it. Who was supposed to look after all that livestock while he was away jollying it up?

C – he was asking friends to help but, ultimately, it was me and we are still lambing. I queried what I would do if they all got out, as they have done in the past, and how would I to round them up alone? I have too many other jobs to be doing his one as well.

S – you were right to say that; looking after all that livestock is way too much to ask of you.

C – that is the polite version of what I said, as I recall.

A little Later …

S – I am now at third clean – small black haired dog has been hanging from the back of my trousers – I want to turn.

S – so no improvement there then. I thought she was taking it to dog training classes.

C – she did once, but it let her down rather badly so she decided not to go again. Some good news – I have just had a text from Phoebe and her Pavlova for her GCSE when very well – hooray we can rest easy for five minutes.

S – oh good, I am pleased but don’t go relaxing on that sofa when you get home – you know it will only end in tears.

Financial Situation Will Only Get Worse With University On The Horizon

No Piggy Bank to raid!

No Piggy Bank to raid!

29 April 2014

C – had e-mail from George to say he has filled in the student finance forms and submitted them online, so we just need to do our bit and it is sorted, thank goodness. Am bored, bored, bored with cleaning – why have we not been discovered – I need that fame and, in particular, that fortune? Financial situation is only going to get worse with this university thing – the cost of it all scares me. I told Toby that we need to sell some ewes and lambs to pay the Council Tax and he said they will wait – since when I ask?

S – since never, the council do not wait for their money, a bit like the Inland Revenue.

C – how are things in your neck of the woods? Am at second clean and fed up; old boy not very well and in bed and she is beside herself that he will die and she will be left alone. Bugger old age; it is not my bag – all that grief and distress is not for me. I will drink more wine and at least I will have worn out my internal organs and had my moneys worth.

S – yes, old age can be very trying – we will have to ride through it together if we get there. Lady I work with is off on holiday again, not sure how she does it on her salary – she must be digging money up in her garden.

C – wish I was, oh forgot I have not got a garden – bugger that is where I have gone wrong; and to add to my grief my tax disk has just run out so have got to pull another £250 out of my arse to pay for that. No wonder I drink too much wine!

S – perhaps I should start digging in my garden for both of us.

C – good idea. We have lambs being born every day again now – they are all first time mothers and as mad as hatters – they keep running away when the lamb is born; a natural reaction I suppose when you haven’t done it before. And to boot I have just phoned the estate agents to claim commission for a house I sold that completed last Friday. Apparently, when a sale has completed you don’t get paid until the month after the completion – how does that work?

S – damn cheek – you need that money. and those boots have got your name on them, I will get into town tomorrow and see if they are in the sale yet.

C – well, you don’t need to worry because I happen to know one of the sales assistants and have asked her to give me the heads up if they are in the sale, but sadly no news yet.

Could Be Heading Down The Same Path As “Older” Korean Women!

It's in the name!

It’s in the name!

24 April 2014

C – listening to the radio whilst scrubbing and cleaning, as usual. Discussion being had about the reason for the increase in “older” Korean women turning to prostitution – could it be money?

S – well, I suppose they are able to earn more in twenty minutes than they would working all day in another job.

C – twenty minutes sounds a long time. I would have thought ten minutes would be ample.

S – yes, you are right, ten minutes is plenty of time.

Later …

S – lady you clean for is in the office today. She is very attractive and normally wears nice clothes but today she has definitely “lost the plot” and is wearing skinny jeans – I am sorry but you have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans; it’s in the name. Still, I suppose we all have those items in our wardrobe that we should really never have purchased!

C – I don’t have that problem as there are so few items in my wardrobe! I have just been looking at my credit card bill and think I will, unfortunately, be going down the same road as the aging Korean ladies soon. Every time I turn round someone else has got their fingers in my purse, and that includes Toby! 😦

We Are Not Exactly Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis

We are not quite Thelma and Louise!

We are not quite Thelma and Louise!

20 April 2014

S – Happy Easter – are you cooking lunch for all your family. They really should be cooking lunch for you but I know that is not very likely.

C – Happy Easter to you all too. Yes, I am cooking and have just found out that Toby’s mother is unexpectedly on her own today and I can’t bear the thought of her spending the day alone, so will have to get her and bring her over. We are eating at about 6.30 pm so, hopefully, everyone will be gone by 8.30 pm. I have a stinking cold and was awake half the night with the worries of the world in my head; I even had to resort to switching on the light and reading. Have done very little today as I feel so ill; not like me. I have had an e-mail from George – he has run out of money so have to send him some. Hell’s teeth I need to rob a bank, are you up to driving the getaway car?

S – yes, I can do that for you but no guns, just pretend ones. Do not want anyone to get hurt. A little more dosh would certainly come in handy. I do wish someone in your family was cooking dinner for you for a change.

C – me too. Ok, no guns. If anyone cuts up rough we can threaten to take our clothes off – that will be enough to scare most people!