Camilla Sporting The Charlie Chaplin Look Today

It is his jacket that is too small - not his trousers!!  (Photo by www.allposters.com)

It is his jacket that is too small – not his trousers!! (Photo by http://www.allposters.com)

6 January 2015

C – how long will you be at work today; we could meet at lunchtime if you are free. You must be exhausted after your busy evening last night and the traffic was hideous when I left work – it took ages to get home.  Who is in your office today, I hope “You Know Who” isn’t in to give you grief?  I have a Back to Work Interview later so need to return to the office by 1300.

S – no he is not in. Lunch sounds good – where shall we meet?  What on earth is a Back to Work Interview?  I had horrible nightmare about the estate agents last night.  I had been sent on a viewing with hardly any directions and I couldn’t find the house.  I also left the office late as I hadn’t been told about the viewing.  What was that all about?

C – OMG such a vivid dream, don’t think I ever have dreams about the estate agents.  God knows what the bloody Back to Work thing is; I just don’t have time for all of that nonsense. I have made the most terrible fashion faux pas today.  I am wearing Phoebe’s school trousers again which are quite short at the ankle and are not looking great with the new shoes; the words Charlie Chaplin spring to mind.  Oh dear, was rushing to get to work and just did not look in the mirror. Will have to stay behind the desk as much as possible.

S – will you stop wearing Phoebe’s old school trousers – they are not a good look.  Yes, definitely stay tucked behind that desk!!

I Only Put “Lingerie” In The Search Box!!!

Camilla and I never have this problem! (Photo by www.kitchendaily.com)

Camilla and I never have this problem! (Photo by http://www.kitchendaily.com)

4 August 2014

C – just at second clean. I am dusting the bottles of wine on the rack. Can you imagine having bottles of wine in your house so long that they gather dust?

S – no I can’t. I never have dusty wine in my house.

C – lady of the house has a bra and knickers that she paid £80 for (on the bed with lables still attached) – they are double income no kids so I suppose they have little else to do with their money.

S – £80 on a bra and knickers would be nice but then again Michael might get fruity and we dont want that!

C – you don’t want any fruityness in this heat!! I am off to mother-in-laws after cleans as she has had a fall and can’t be left alone. She has a badly bruised and cut face and I think her finger is broken but she refuses to go to hospital. Toby is with her at the moment but he needs to do the stock. Have had Patrick on the phone blubbing, as he is dreading Geroge coming back to the UK. He thinks it will be years before he sees him (and us) again and can’t cope with the thought!!

S – poor Patrick, he will be a mess when George gets on that plane! Sorry I can’t help with Toby’s mother but I am at office doing extra hours, again!! Had the day from hell at estate agents on Saturday with two “touting” rounds shoving cards in letter boxes! And, the punters managed to hit the steps outside the cottage with their car and completely dislodge them, so Michael had to spend Friday afternoon doing repairs in this heat.

C – well, my lot that are in at the moment seen to have broken the brand new Bosch diswasher – have had to call in the suppliers to look at it!!!

Later …

S – have just been looking for a lingerie photo for the post and managed to bring up snaps of people having sex – not what I need when I am at work and someone is standing behind me at the photocopier!! Think I will have to make do with photo of dusty wine bottle.

C – you need to choose your search words more carefully.

S – I only put “lingerie” in the search box!!!

Bottom Cheeks Will Remain Firmly Under Wraps!

Ours do  not look like this, unfortunately!

Ours do not look like this, unfortunately!

21 May 2014

C – just driven to first clean – can you believe it – we have a spot of sunshine and the world and his wife are out in force in their summer clothes. It is sunny but not that warm. There were bottom cheeks on display everywhere; some of them were very unattractive. What is this fad for wearing shorts that do not even cover your bottom?

S – yes, saw a few of those the other day when the sun was out. I suppose if one is very young and bottom cheeks are very firm it is not quite so bad, but I fear there are those out there wearing these shorts who do not own a mirror!

C – well, my bottom cheeks will remain firmly under wraps, along with my very white legs and knobbly knees, I can tell you.

Later …

S – just finished second clean of the day. The lady gave me a small glass of Split Rock to try. It is a Sauvignon Blanc – not my usual tipple but I take my wine tasting very seriously and can drink anything if needs be – remember the desert wine incident? It was very good – may need to review it on blog if I can get hold of a bottle for you to taste.

Purple, What Was I Thinking!!

Impulse shopping always a mistake!

Impulse shopping always a mistake!

12 February 2014

C – so depressed, been trying on clothes for estate agents job and am horrified at my body shape. Am officially fat and over fifty – shit; when did all this happen?

S – you are in TK Maxx, I take it.

C – yes your favourite shop; have completely lost the plot and paid £50 for an Osprey handbag – why? Not sure I even like the bloody colour. Impulse buying never works for me, I have nothing to go with it. Handbag purchase was meant to cheer me up – it’s called “retail thearpy” but am not feeling the glow. Should have spent the money on Spinning Classes!!

S – yes, big mistake. Calm down I will come around this evening to take a look at the bag and we can find something in your wardrobe that goes with it (or, if that fails, you can take it back).

C – good idea but we need to go Spinning at least three days a week in order for me to shift this lot. Everything is out of control; bloody hideous and, to boot, I have definitely decided I don’t like the colour of the bag – purple, what was I thinking. Will have to go back tomorrow to change it – bugger.

S – Why did you buy it?

C – because I always see women with colourful bags that I like but can never find one for myself? We could go on Friday if you are free.

S – that will be fine. I only have to prepare the holiday cottage and that won’t take long.

13 February 2014

S – am in the office. Got a few things to do (bugger), then I will look at posts. Need a nice hot chocolate before I can think of starting.

C – gone mad with grief at state of my body and am now working all day at estate agents on Friday, so will just have to dash in when I can to get refund on bag.

S – never mind – think of the money for that extra day at estate agents.

Rising To The Challenge

Bottom's Up To Spinning.  We Will Drink To That

Bottom’s Up To Spinning. We Will Drink To That

9 January 2014

C – following an announcement on the radio this morning that “sugar is the new tobacco” and should be banished from our homes, I found myself relieved that for a change it was not the consumption of alcohol that was being named as the culprit of all that is evil.

S – phew what a relief, I agree with you on that one. Thankfully am on the mend and heading for the office today, so text me when you get a moment. Not sure what the day holds for me but am ready for anything.

C – had a call from Aussie Patrick today, he has been watching the news and was concerned that we may have been washed away in the floods. There have been lots of reports all over the news in Oz about the UK weather. I gave him the low down and told him the tale of the “Quad Bike Queens” which he found highly amusing.

S – he would have loved all the excitement of moving the waterlogged stock, and would have been crashing through the floods as only such a large Australia character like Patrick can.

C – was feeling down in the dumps yesterday, must have the January blues, we need something to look forward to, therefore, I have taken matters into my own hands and booked our very first spinning session. I have spoken to the very young man who takes the class and he sounds very keen to have us. What do you say to Tuesday next week? That gives us time to get ourselves back on form, break out the Lycra and get ready to impress, as I am sure we will. (Have heard from a friend that he is a bit of a hunk) 🙂

S – need to check my diary as I have a lot on next week, and I don’t want to rush into this spinning thing, so I will let you know.

C – ok, but no backing out now this maybe just what we need to get us back into shape, mentally and physically. Today spinning tomorrow who knows.

Later …

C – can’t believe it, that Michael Portillo is back on the TV waffling on about yet another boring train story. He is sporting yet another hideous jacket, this time in electric blue. No wait; now he is wearing a fuchsia pink crushed velvet number, hells teeth has the man lost the plot? Has he no idea about clothes? Someone needs to call Gok Wan for a serious make over please. Remember he did that TV series How to look good naked, although don’t think he has a cat in hells chance with Michael darling.

C – don’t think we want to see Michael naked but Gok’s Fashion Fix might be useful for him!

Girl’s School Blazers

Good grooming is always necessary for the long school day ahead.

Good grooming is always necessary for the long school day ahead.

S – Camilla came over early this morning to drop something off. It was 0645 and all eyes in our household were still firmly shut (she is an early bird and we are all bed huggers). She had to call from her mobile to gain access!! We were laughing over my two children arguing about the shower. Jamie, who normally scrapes himself out of bed at the last minute, had unusually decided that “cleanliness was next to Godliness” and leapt into the shower first. Sophie was jumping up and down outside the bathroom door banging loudly, as she needs at least an hour to prepare herself for the rigours of the school day, which can play havoc with one’s hair and makeup!

This brought us onto the subject of the girl’s school blazers (which seem to resemble some elaborate transformer, similar to those toys that transformed from monsters into cars, the afore said blazers transform into the most amazing multi-pocketed travel holdalls). These blazers contain every conceivable makeup accessory (including false nails and eyelashes, in case of emergencies), along with a phone, iphone, headpones and money. Each item is carefully compartmentalised for immediate and seamless access. On questioning, it appears that there is not one single pocket that can be spared for unnecessary items such as pens, pencils or rulers. Of course, carrying an uncool item like a pencil case would cause one’s “street cred” to plummet through the floor! (Don’t even mention the school homework diary that was left abandoned in the bedroom). What happened to short white socks, over the knee skirts and school hats? They don’t know how lucky they are.

Just Watching Antiques Road Show

Just Watching Antiques Roadshow

Just Watching Antiques Roadshow

Preamble

S – I am really no where near as good as Camilla and this writing lark but I will give it a go as she is at the Estate Agents today grappling with the bucket seats in the sports car of the young man who is showing her the ropes! I am sure I will hear all about it later. We have started concentrating more on our Facebook page and are trying to get friends to follow us and put links in their Time Lines. We would like more comments so please do write some, and any constructive criticism would be very welcome.

28 May 2013

C – Just watching Antiques Road Show. That bloody Fiona Bruce is looking amazing and has a lovely dress and cardigan on. She is so slim.

S – yes and so smily!

C – my husband never fails to astound me. He just asked me if the kids are on half-term this week. How can you live with two kids still in full time education and ask that question. I want to stab him.

S – try not to do that however annoying he may be; you could end up in a lot of trouble.

C – I will be throwing him out on the proverbial ear if socks are not pulled up – men.

29 May 2013

S – Just got fitted for new bra. You need to see the bra lady in M&S – she is a wizard!

C – ok will take your advice, thanks. Mine need scaffolding – did you notice any while you were there?

30 May 2013

C – another day another dollar – five hours cleaning ahead – don’t know if I can stand it.

S – are you at Manor House?

C – yes, just arrived. All in bed asleep. House looks like a bomb has landed. How hard it is to unpack the dishwasher? Hey ho – how the other half live.

1 June 2013

S – Have been sporting new bra and I have noticed that my boobs are looking much perkier – result!