No Fancy Sprancy Taps For Me

The cause of Camilla's cold cuppa soup!(Photo by www.tlc-direct.co.uk)

The cause of Camilla’s cold cuppa soup! (Photo by http://www.tlc-direct.co.uk)

13 November 2014

C – was in trouble this morning when I got to the office; I had left my ID card in the bedroom, so was unable to access the building. Note to self; maybe I should put on my flexi sheet the time I arrived at the door and was unable to gain access, as I was on the premises. So I will be unable to leave my desk all day, no hope of accessing the post room. Hell’s teeth how I look forward to that little diversion in my day. Maybe I could have a word with admin boss to see if she has a spare ID card in her desk. This must happen to other people can’t just be me!!!

S – you have to put that card in a pocket in your bag and never put it anywhere else, otherwise this will happen. I did forget mine once when I changed over to my “summer handbag” but that won’t be an issue for you with your one and only handbag!!!!!!

C – “summer handbag” indeed – as you say, I only have the one. However, ID card issue is now sorted as I have been given a Visitors one. I successfully accessed the post room (albeit on my second attempt) only to find there was no post in the “Housing” pigeon hole. Head now in hands as I have nothing to open, stamp and distribute which usually takes me up to 40 minutes, if I read all correspondence thoroughly. So, back at desk shuffling papers. I have been wondering if I could retrain as an Environmental Health Officer; they seem to have it pretty chushty and get out and about all the time. Suppose I would need to get a degree and am crap at maths. Don’t know if I could convert my Professional Housing Diploma; will do some research.

S – Environmental Health Officer would have been a great job for me. I would love to visit restaurants, etc and point out their deficiencies in the cleaning department – I was made for that job!

C – yes you were, there is only so much one can stand staring at this bloody computer screen. Have got reserve glasses today and they are not cutting the mustard like my others; they must be a lower resolution and are just not sharp enough, if you get my drift. Have you eaten lunch yet!! Am starving and seriously considering cuppa soup and my cheese and salad wrap – yum. Just been given the good news that I have been paid my wages, the bad news is that it is not enough, still can’t complain.

S – not yet, I have an Uncle Ben’s Medium Curry Rice Time (half price in Iceland) – only drawback is that I have to go down to the café in the basement to heat it up – they don’t trust us to have microwaves on the office floors.

C – yum sounds delicious, another reason to move jobs, we have microwave, dishwasher “Zip Tap”, automatic windows and all sorts of added extras here. However, my posh new chair suddenly decided to slide downwards and I found myself looking like Mr Bean with my chin on the desk. Everyone has left the office for lunch, so I will swap it with someone else’s and try not to LOL when it happens to them. So wanted to laugh but had no one to share the moment with! I also had an unfortunate incident with the Zip Tap and my cuppa soup. I was filling it with hot water and some how I managed to touch the cold water, which comes from the same tap, and it filled my soup with cold water; what a bugger.

S – I have nice hot past mug shot – that is what happens when you have the fancy sprancy taps!

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A Few Cheeky Cocktails Will Be Very Nice!

Too many of these in Camilla's office!!

Too many of these in Camilla’s office!! (Photo by http://www.bakonw.co.uk)

11 November 2014

S – I am working at the hospital today and they have a good poster in the office – it reads: “I don’t mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is nonsense”.

C – sentiments I agree with. I managed to get in at 0750 this morning so am pretty chuffed and Phoebe is working after school on some English she needs to catch up on; why I ask myself when she has so much time to do bugger all.

S – you got in at 0750 – you will have so much flexi you will be able to have a month off. I wish I could accumulate flexi – I can amass a bit of toil but not that much. Let me know when recruitment starts again – would be so good if we were both working over there!!! My two also staying after school catching up – when they have spent so much time at home doing nothing – how does that work?

C – will keep ear to ground re job. I had a laugh via e-mail with Julia yesterday; I passed her coming back from Weymouth on Sunday afternoon. She was cycling up Coombe Valley Road with her hat placed at an unfortunate angle on her head. I was thinking, as I passed, what sort of maniac does that and then I realised it was Julia! However, as I sit here typing this e-mail I can feel the bulge hanging over my trousers and really think I must stop eating and drinking and join Julia on a bike ride. Aghaghagh!!!!

Later …

C – the lady who is training me is not in today. I need to process a grant payment but I am struggling. The notes on processing the payment are not helping me and nobody else knows how this payment system works, so I am buggered well and truly. I forgot about the one minute silence; nobody told me it would be happening in the office. I was aware it was quiet but was engrossed in payments system. I looked up and suddenly realised everyone was standing and not working; I felt so terrible as I think it is such an important gesture – I feel very stupid and rude.

S – don’t worry – I am sure they will understand – we had the silence here.

C – I do hope so. On another note, I have accumulated 8 hours 20 minutes flexi so far already; a day and a bit. I can do a three day week sometime.

S – that is so much – you have only been there a few weeks. I definitely need to be working with you – am fed up with not having enough leave – worked all through the holidays when, in thoery, I could have accrued some flexi during term time. Do you clock in and clock out?

C – yes, electronically on my PC. I can use some of it to go to the estate agent’s Christmas Lunch; looking forward to our little trip on the train, it will be a real day out. Can’t remember where we are going to eat. I have a memory like a bloody sieve – must be my age.

S – I can’t remember either but have written it in diary so will let you know. Michael may still not be able to drive after his operation – if he can’t I will drive and you can fill your boots with the cheeky cocktails!!

C – no problem, I will make Toby pick us up, it won’t kill him to. Cream cakes have just arrived in the office as is someone’s birthday; of course I will have to indulge or is that bulge!!!!

S – it is definitely bulge!!!

Waitrose

Waitrose

28 July 2014

These comments, that have apparently been overheard in Waitrose, came through on my e-mail!

— “Hurry up with the focaccia darling, that man is coming to clean the pool soon”

— “No marinated artichokes? It’s like East Berlin in here”

— “Lucas, put that falafel down. You already chose olives with manchego for your treat”

— “Please don’t rummage in the reduced bin darling, someone from the golf club might see you”

— “It’s like the Third World in Tesco. No pine nuts”

— “Orlando, that is enough blueberries. I only need them to go on top of the venison”

— “Topside? Why on earth would we feed Winnie topside? Anyone would think you wanted to kill the poor dog”

Sophie Thinks Curling Would Be The Ideal Sport For Us

British Women's Curling Team - well done ladies!

British Women’s Curling Team – well done ladies!

20 February 2014

S – just been shopping with Sophie and the conversation turned to the Bronze Medal our Lady Curlers won today at the Sochi Winter Olympics. Sophie was not impressed with curling but did say that she thought it would be the ideal pastime for Camilla and me, stating that we were both so good at sweeping we would be naturals. How was your mini break?

C – had a wonderful evening – hotel fab and food great. Helena made it to us in time for dinner. Just got up and had a shower, hair done, breakfast at 0930 – how civilised. This is the life, no mucking out, no wet clothes, no work – bloody marvellous. Be back later to reality and a mess, no doubt.

S – sounds marvellous. Let me know what the restaurant you visit on the way home is like.

Later …

C – we did not really need lunch after the Full English Breakfast, but we squeezed it in anyway. It was excellent and good value for money and Crystal had a discount voucher so win, win as they say.

Heads Up Girls, Lindeman’s £4.99 In The Co-op

Happy Valentines Day To Me

Happy Valentines Day To Me

12 February 2014

C – if you get a moment Google Quarterdeck – that is where I am. It is fabulous, loving the electric gates, very chic – I could see us retiring together here!! Huge kitchen that even has a wine fridge, heavenly.

S – wish I was with you looking round – it sounds marvellous.

C – OMG – the en-suite bathroom has a TV at the end of the bath – that is going to be my room. Also, all the lights come on when you walk into the rooms – fab!!

S – I have to have a TV in my bathroom too you know.

13 February 2014

C – how are you feeling today?

S – not too bad. There were twenty of us. Most of them had spent two hours slugging it back in the Vivo Lounge first. Food not good as per usual, and very small portions but buckets of wine, so a good time was had by all. Sat next to woman who bought the large house in the village and opposite the Smith lady who has split up from her husband – he was having an affair.

C – lady with big house must be minted then – has Smith lady’s husband been bonking anyone we know?

S – they are from London and have split the house in two as her parents live there as well. Do not know who he has been bonking but I fear it was always on the cards.

C – yes, I think he must have played the “my wife doesn’t understand me” card – bastard.

C – bloody awful evening. Two hours of Shakespeare is the last thing you need on a Friday night after a long week. Thank God for the large glass of wine during the interval. Went out after for a quick cheap meal. Phoebe left her phone at school so had to drive like a bat our of hell back to get it, as world had come to an end at the thought of a weekend without it. Toby did his usual and ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. My food not very good and by the time you add on a beer, a coke and buckets of wine it cost the thick end of £50, which it has taken me eight hours to earn. Hells teeth, am never going out again. Will get chips on the way home next time.

S – why does he do that?

C – he is a man, full stop. They do it on purpose to piss us off – and it works.

14 February 2014

C – happy Valentines Day.

S – what’s to be happy about, been running around since sparrows fart (as Aussie Patrick would say); am I the only person in this house who can do anything?

C – now at second clean, dinning table set for two with red rose in vase – OMG I want to vomit – how could anyone have such a perfect life. Oh no, champagne and chocolates in the fridge and candles in the bathroom – it is going to be a big night I think.

There May Be Trouble Ahead

I  have made sure George has taken some Imodium Plus with him!

I have made sure George has taken some Imodium Plus with him! (Photo by Steve Knight)

2 February 2014

S – what news of the traveller?

C – I had a Facebook message yesterday from George – it said “arrived in Bangkok”. That was it, no pleasantries bless him. Just reading the BCC News Headlines “British tourists in Bangkok warned to stay indoors on Election Day”. Bloody typical – I hope he gets on a bus quickly out of there.

S – just happened to be surfing the net myself and found the following UK Foreign Office advice – try not to be alarmed:

“There is a high threat from terrorism. Bomb and grenade attacks have been indiscriminate, including in places visited by expatriates and foreign travellers. You should remain vigilant and keep abreast of local security advice and media reports”.

C – fat chance of not being alarmed, with George’s knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time – watch this space.

S – can’t wrap him up in cotton wool – that poor woman at Burton Bradstock was only standing under the cliffs and look what happened to her. When your number is up it is up!

C – I have put the Dorset Evening Echo photo of him playing rugby in a frame in case I forget what he looks like. However, I will not miss that filthy rugby kit or all the wet towels hanging around the house! There is, of course, one other advantage to George’s absence – I am able to banish Toby to his room when the snoring becomes so bad he is in danger of being smothered!! Does anyone have a cure, other than divorce, for this irritating male habit?

A collection of fun wine images

We decided to reblog this post from the Wine Wankers as we thought is was great fun and because Sheshe is “sadly” a big cat person (as are many of our loyal followers); she loved the cat photo. I, on the other hand, am more of a dog lover – clearly the old saying opposites attract applies.

Speaking to Sheshe earlier, she was complaining that after a full day at work (hubby not allowed to drive for 6 whole weeks) she had been despatched to chemist for yet more laxatives, as husband’s bowels still being a cause of concern.

I have suggested that this could easily be resolved with a good bottle of red wine, or a couple of pints of our local Dorset brew called Tom Browns Bitter, a favourite of my husband’s – further suggestion would be gratefully received.

The Wine Wankers

After the success of our “Wine… It pairs perfectly with Christmas” post that was full of fun Christmas wine related images (in which you can have a look at by clicking here), I thought I’d share another lot of the fun wine related images that have come through our Twitter and Facebook feeds.

I wish I could credit the brilliant minds behind these but unless it’s on the image that important fact has been lost through time.

Enjoy!    😛

a-funny-cat-glass-wine-bottle

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