Eyes Glazed Over And Definitely Past My “Sell By” Date

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

14 January 2015

C – just thinking about lunch, I managed to make a ham roll before leaving the house, but have to be honest and say the roll is a bit past its sell by date, like me, so not over excited about eating it. May have to pop out and find something a bit more delicious to keep me going this afternoon. Any suggestions?

S – M&S always the best. I have dip and raw carrots – very healthy!

C – yum, I fancy some of that will pop down to M&S and see what they have to offer.

S – Michael brought me to work this morning as my car is in the garage – it failed its MOT – needs new headlight and wheel baring – about £200! What fun. Just seem to tip everything I earn into someone else’s pocket!

C – oh bugger it, bloody cars just drain every penny one has. I look around at the people in this office who seem to have lovely clothes, immaculate hair and are constantly holidaying in Shamal Shake (can’t spell it), or similar. I can’t even afford a weekend away, still have not paid this months Council Tax, credit card is maxed out and Toby is swanning around as if we do not have a care in the world!

S – holiday for the two of us in Sharm el Sheikh would be very nice! Still have all afternoon to go in this office – not sure I can stand it – it is also so cold here today!

C – lovely and toasty in my new temperature controlled office. Maybe that is why there is some woman here, the very wrong side of 50, walking around in an extremely short knitted skirt and a see through blouse; what is that all about? She clearly did not look in the mirror this morning. Am feeling out of shape myself. We really need to do some kind of low impact exercise at the gym. All this sitting and eating is just going to continue to pile on the pounds; maybe we could look at Pilates Classes. I know we have talked about this before, and nothing came of it, but we could go straight after work so then we won’t have to go home and come back again. We could change at the gym then take our sweaty bodies home afterwards. What do you think?

S – I think it is a good idea – will look at Leisure Centre website.  This time we need to take it seriously and do something.

C – well, am very bored and my eyes are glazeing over looking at this computer. I feel like running up and down the office screaming blue murder – reminds me of Reggie Perrin on the TV many years ago. Help, am sinking into depression.


Grey and Greyer

Will this be the new, relaxed Camilla after her Christmas leave?

Will this be the new, relaxed Camilla after her Christmas leave? (Photo by http://www.jackikane.com)

5 November 2014

C – I have just been sent my electronic leave card. It seems I have 7 days accrued; how I am not sure as I have only been here five minutes. It appears that 20 day is my annual allowance and that does not include the 2 weeks for Christmas and New Year. Apparently, we finish at lunchtime on Christmas Eve and are not back until 5th January! What will I do with myself; I will need to get an extra cleaning job over the festive season as I don’t think I can do nothing for that long!

S – welcome to the world of local government. I only have to work two days over the festive season and one of them is Christmas Eve so thought I would come in and see what happens. Am hoping I will be told to go home early; I can’t imagine I will be sitting here until 5.00pm!!

C – have decided, whilst gazing around the office, that I need to get my hair “coiffured”. No-one here has a hair out of place, but I suppose when one sits still for so long one’s hair does not move.

S – you have it right. My boss came in this morning sporting new hair cut and it had also been beautifully coloured – three shades excellently blended. Not like my three shades – muddy brown, grey and greyer!!

This Is The Countryside, Not The Middle Of London!

No fibre optic broadband here!! (Photo by www.broadbandin.co.uk)

No fibre optic broadband here!! (Photo by http://www.broadbandin.co.uk)

6 August 2014

C – Eleanor is back on the ward. She has had two stents and all went well.

S – thank goodness for that and that they found the problem and have put the stents in. She could have had a serious heart attack. I will go in and see her this evening.

C – I am going in this evening as well, so I will see you later.

7 August 2014

C – Eleanor is being discharged today as they are very happy with how everything went.

S – that is good news. Are you free to come with me to Bournemouth to visit Doreen. There is a place available at the nursing home she is thinking of going into. I thought I would go and see her to let her know.

C – yes, I’ll come with you. Can we leave at about one? I need to do some shopping for Eleanor – I have just had two days off – what happened to my “me time”?

S – one o’clock is good for me. As for the “me time” – I don’t think you are cut out for it!

C – have just had the people from the holiday house on the phone complaining that they Sky TV is not working and that the broadband speed is too slow and can I do anything about it. I had to point out that we live in the middle of nowhere and we do not have fibre optic broadband, so, no, there is nothing I can do about it as I do not have a magic wand!!! Would you be able to come over to the house before we go to Bournemouth to look at the Sky Box as I know nothing about Sky? Why are they not at the beach in this lovely weather instead of watching TV?

S – exactly! I will be at house at one. Not sure I can do much but will take a look.

C – can you believe it – I have just phoned people at the house to check how Sky is now and it is working and he is sitting watching the cricket (one of the toddlers had pulled out a plug). Why did he not ring me!? I closed the conversation by saying that I would see them tomorrow at ten, to which he replied could they leave later. No, is the answer to that one too. I pointed out that the people arriving tomorrow will be on the doorstep at three champing at the bit to get in and it will take four or five hours to clean the place – hells teeth!!

S – ok, I will see you at yours at one. Just keep calm and carry on.

11 August 2014

S – my back went yesterday so I am in the office staggering around like an old woman. Only hope it is ok by Friday as I have to clean the holiday cottage. What are you up to?

C – I am near Yeovil at a one day event waiting for Phoebe and Toby to arrive. I have horse in trailer and they are coming from Wales – they went to stay with friends in Pembrokeshire for the weekend. I was looking after all the stock and the truck broke down. A very nice AA man came out and informed me it is the alternator – just what we need – not! Sorry to hear about your back.

S – oh dear, that won’t be cheap – hope Phoebe and Toby get to you in time.

Later …

C – check this out someone just posted it on our Facebook page. We liked it.

Weighing Yourself

Hot Flushing All Over The Place!

HRT - is it a good idea?

HRT – is it a good idea? (Photo by menopausehysterectomy.com)

18 July 2014

S – how I hate the heat when you have to clean. The house was a tip and I am “hot flushing” all the time – think I may need to go back to GP and chat about HRT – he was not keen to give it to me last time I saw him. The tumble dryer has broken down and I have all the cottage laundry to do and two of the white bedspreads were dirty so they have to be washed.

C – bring any tumble drying over to me and I will do it. You need to tumble the towels, at least, otherwise they will be like cardboard.

Later …

S – just picking Jamie up from school as he has lots of art stuff to bring home for the holidays that he could not carry on the bus. The headmaster has just left the building looking tanned, happy and relaxed as only those earning £120,000 per year do!

C – yes, it is a tidy sum – think I would be looking happy and relaxed with that much coming in each year!! Still, I suppose he earns it. I have just had Patrick on the phone – he was tipsy and sobbing as he was not able to go to the countryside to watch George play Ozzi Footie and George will be returning to the UK soon.

S – poor Patrick; he is going to miss George so much.

21 July 2014

S – good news – I have scraped through my Supervision without any mishaps or mention of my internet usage, thank God. Will ring you when I escape from work – I have been given a very lengthy and laborious task – damn!

C – glad Supervision went well. I was awake half the night stressing about Toby disappearing off to Cornwall sailing and leaving me with all the stock to look after. He forgets that I have to do my cleaning and the estate agents, as well as his sheep and cattle and that is without ferrying Phoebe around and doing the horses!

S – it is too much to ask, I feel.

Long And Slow, Like A Cold Beer


Long and Slow (Photo by Afonso Lima)

Long and Slow (Photo by Afonso Lima)

1 June 2014

C – just at House of Health and Beauty with Phoebe – she is having her eyebrows done. Some woman in waiting room looks like the back end of a bus in leggings and t-shirt. She got up to go for treatment with her t-shirt up over her bottom and she has a wedge!

2 June 2014

S – How goes it at estate agents?

C – long and slow like a cold beer which is what I could do with now. Feathers have been ruffled in your office by the new PA I understand.

S – yes, I have heard the same.

C – I am at the sea front, feel like crap as I drank too much last night – why do I do that whenever I go out? I have no self control. Flat out with viewings all day – hell’s teeth. I hear there is trouble at your end already.

S – yes, big row between Laura and Phillip. I only have two viewings – others are keeping expensive properties for themselves and giving me crap ones. I want to come to your office.

C – that is rubbish, I would be fuming. What was the row about?

S – did you go anywhere nice last night? Row was about nothing really; Laura was fussing about the fact that a staff member turned up at our office instead of the Purbeck one and Phillip hit the roof as he had not yet had his Costa Coffee and it was only 8.29am! I want to come to your office.

C – La Caverna, yes it was very good and we managed not to row which was amazing. Think the other lady will retire soon so hopefully not long now. We are having KFC for lunch, yippee.

S – well done not rowing, were you alone or was it the company that stopped the rowing. PS: I have been told by “she of the beige stilettos” that my footwear is not appropriate. Hells teeth as you would say.

C – no, just two of us. Just at viewing at smart £800,000 flat but apparently viewers are time wasters who look at houses for a hobby but never buy. I have a viewing this afternoon with some woman who has won the lottery – lucky cow.

S – So you are trusted with the expensive ones, unlike me.

C – what difference does your footwear make – wait until she is middle aged. Am now at open afternoon at flats with my feet up on my sofa. Apparently, they are happy to sell me the sofas when all flats are sold – great!

S – can you ask about the blue sofa in the other apartment, that one has my name on it.

C – ok, but the penthouse flats have still not been sold, so could be a while.

S – no problem, as I am not in a hurry.

C – damn – viewing with lottery winner has been cancelled – just my luck.

S – just wait till we win the lottery; we will be on our gin palace sipping vino being waited on hand, foot and finger but some eye candy – none of that leaning over the edge and sailing nonsense.

C – talking about leaning over the edge, I have just pulled in at Osmington Mills and, upon glancing out to sea, I spotted my husband in his sailing boat – how the other half live – it can’t be right!!

S – no, not right. I have just had another wasted viewing. I wish staff would ask more questions and truly find out what viewers want so we do not take people to houses they will never want to buy.

C – just had Patrick on the phone and George has done his first night washing up in the restaurant – he now has dish-pan, hands which is a first!

3 June 2014

C – just heading out of the door – infection in my leg is agony but, as per usual, I have to go as I need the money.

S – let me know if I can do anything.

C – got to second clean and they are having a new boiler fitted so am going home, thank goodness – leg has swollen visibly and is very painful.

S – just at doctor’s myself and spotted someone in the waiting room who I do not want to engage with so have decided to hide in the lavatory; if anyone tries the door I will cough loudly and stumble out with magazine in front of my face.

C – bloody hell, just seen the Echo and Dukes sold a miniature vase for £45,000 – why can’t that happen to us?

S- bloody typical. I am at hospital waiting to see consultant for my Temporomandibular joint disorder; am sure it will be a waste of time and that nothing will come of it, as I am not exactly a priority.

A Tweet Like That Could Go Viral

This is where we should be!

This is where we should be!

30 April 2014

C – Patrick was on the phone last night – he is beside himself at finally having George with him. There is a photo of them on Facebook

S – just looked – how I wish we were there with them.

C – just had another call from Patrick on my mobile – he is high as a kite on fresh air just having George there. How are things in the office?

S – I am keeping my head down. What are Patrick and George up to in Queensland?

C – they are going to Patrick’s brother as one of his children is getting married and George is invited, of course. Yes, Patrick was saying we should all be there – how sad it would be if we never get back to Oz. I am thinking that is what will happen to me, especially as Toby likes to give away every penny I earn. Was tossing and turning all night over the tenant issue.

S – have Buffered six Tweets – it is easier than I thought and not as time consuming as I had imagined – The Wine Wankers told us to get Tweeting and we have been slack in this department but not any more!

C – well done you, keep buffering girl. Just back from seeing the doctor with Phoebe – the eczema is so bad on her hands. We have had two lots of useless antibiotics and a stack of cream which cost a fortune and have now been given the steroid cream I begged for in the first place. I did suggest a referral to a specialist might be a good idea but this suggestion was poo pooed.

S – I think they must get some sort of commission if they keep their referrals under a certain number because it is almost impossible to get one unless you are on death’s door.

C – was reading the paper whilst waiting to see the doctor and this headline caught my eye and I quote: “Money getting you down? The doctor will see you now”. The article suggests that your GP should be offering financial advice due to the stress people are suffering form being in debt and that money worries damage patients’ wellbeing. Financial concerns are “Getting in the way of good health” and maybe doctors could prescribe appointments with financial advisers on the NHS – whatever next? Just turned the page and low and behold another great headline: “Yes, being married can make you depressed” – a Tweet like that could go viral!

Later …

C – oh no, I have to help Toby dehorn the calves – a hideous job – hot and smelly, whatever the weather – just like I will be when I have finished.

S – you should not be doing that. Don’t get kicked.

C – need George back but will have to do my best.

Sophie Thinks Curling Would Be The Ideal Sport For Us

British Women's Curling Team - well done ladies!

British Women’s Curling Team – well done ladies!

20 February 2014

S – just been shopping with Sophie and the conversation turned to the Bronze Medal our Lady Curlers won today at the Sochi Winter Olympics. Sophie was not impressed with curling but did say that she thought it would be the ideal pastime for Camilla and me, stating that we were both so good at sweeping we would be naturals. How was your mini break?

C – had a wonderful evening – hotel fab and food great. Helena made it to us in time for dinner. Just got up and had a shower, hair done, breakfast at 0930 – how civilised. This is the life, no mucking out, no wet clothes, no work – bloody marvellous. Be back later to reality and a mess, no doubt.

S – sounds marvellous. Let me know what the restaurant you visit on the way home is like.

Later …

C – we did not really need lunch after the Full English Breakfast, but we squeezed it in anyway. It was excellent and good value for money and Crystal had a discount voucher so win, win as they say.