I Wish I Had Some

Need more of this! (Photo by blogjob.com)

Need more of this! (Photo by blogjob.com)

15 October 2014

C – had a shock this morning. Arrived at my first clean and rang the bell, as usual, but no answer and the newspaper was still in the letter box. Got the key out of the key safe and let myself in. No sign of lady downstairs, so had to go up calling out as I went. I opened the bedroom door and saw feet sticking out of the bottom of the bed – scared me to death as I thought she had popped her clogs. However, she was alive – had been out yesterday celebrating her 90th birthday and was exhausted – did not hear me ring the bell!

S – dead bodies are not needed – you have enough drama in your life. Thank goodness she was ok.

Later …

C – need some advice re interview I have next week. Do you have any idea what I should wear – maybe I need to be a little less business like and should try flashing a bit of cleavage as I do seem to have my share, and yours. Business like doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.

S – maybe cleavage is the answer. Everyone here seems to have their’s out in a most inappropriate fashion. It seems the larger they are the more they like flashing them!!

C – the old adage if you’ve got it flaunt it springs to mind, especially as no one seems to care if you can actually to the job – maybe I am barking up the wrong tree!

S – just spoken to nursing home as Daphne has been on the phone three times to Michael with tales of falling out of bed and being left alone. She is fine and has not fallen anywhere. She has buzzed them 18 times in three hours and they are muttering about the possibility that they may not be able to “meet her needs”. She may have cooked her goose there I feel. She has also upset other residents – bugger!!

C – I fear it was always on the cards as she is a very demanding woman. Maybe you need to cut up rough and tell her a few home truths – otherwise she will be out on her ear. Talking about cutting up rough, I was chatting to Eleanor about Daphne and how stressfull it is all getting for you with her continual phone calls. She replied that you should keep calm and that she is ensuring that she is now always a picture of “Heart Attack Serenity”. Eleanor and serene are not two words that ususlly trip off the tounge in one sentence!!! Watch this space to see if all this serenity is a permanent thing. I wish I had some!

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This Is The Countryside, Not The Middle Of London!

No fibre optic broadband here!! (Photo by www.broadbandin.co.uk)

No fibre optic broadband here!! (Photo by http://www.broadbandin.co.uk)

6 August 2014

C – Eleanor is back on the ward. She has had two stents and all went well.

S – thank goodness for that and that they found the problem and have put the stents in. She could have had a serious heart attack. I will go in and see her this evening.

C – I am going in this evening as well, so I will see you later.

7 August 2014

C – Eleanor is being discharged today as they are very happy with how everything went.

S – that is good news. Are you free to come with me to Bournemouth to visit Doreen. There is a place available at the nursing home she is thinking of going into. I thought I would go and see her to let her know.

C – yes, I’ll come with you. Can we leave at about one? I need to do some shopping for Eleanor – I have just had two days off – what happened to my “me time”?

S – one o’clock is good for me. As for the “me time” – I don’t think you are cut out for it!

C – have just had the people from the holiday house on the phone complaining that they Sky TV is not working and that the broadband speed is too slow and can I do anything about it. I had to point out that we live in the middle of nowhere and we do not have fibre optic broadband, so, no, there is nothing I can do about it as I do not have a magic wand!!! Would you be able to come over to the house before we go to Bournemouth to look at the Sky Box as I know nothing about Sky? Why are they not at the beach in this lovely weather instead of watching TV?

S – exactly! I will be at house at one. Not sure I can do much but will take a look.

C – can you believe it – I have just phoned people at the house to check how Sky is now and it is working and he is sitting watching the cricket (one of the toddlers had pulled out a plug). Why did he not ring me!? I closed the conversation by saying that I would see them tomorrow at ten, to which he replied could they leave later. No, is the answer to that one too. I pointed out that the people arriving tomorrow will be on the doorstep at three champing at the bit to get in and it will take four or five hours to clean the place – hells teeth!!

S – ok, I will see you at yours at one. Just keep calm and carry on.

11 August 2014

S – my back went yesterday so I am in the office staggering around like an old woman. Only hope it is ok by Friday as I have to clean the holiday cottage. What are you up to?

C – I am near Yeovil at a one day event waiting for Phoebe and Toby to arrive. I have horse in trailer and they are coming from Wales – they went to stay with friends in Pembrokeshire for the weekend. I was looking after all the stock and the truck broke down. A very nice AA man came out and informed me it is the alternator – just what we need – not! Sorry to hear about your back.

S – oh dear, that won’t be cheap – hope Phoebe and Toby get to you in time.

Later …

C – check this out someone just posted it on our Facebook page. We liked it.

Weighing Yourself

Camilla Needs To Give The Days Off A Miss

I have spent too much time at the hospital lately!

I have spent too much time at the hospital lately!

5 August 2014

C – am knackered – was out on the lash ‘till so late last night then up early to do horses, as my sister is not feeling well.

S – hope Eleanor better soon. Where were you on the lash and with whom?

C – with Jeanette and Peter. We went to the pub, then to the Thai restaurant and then back to the pub – will I never learn!

S – you know if you are out with Jeanette you will suffer the next day. She is out of everyone’s league when it comes to being on the lash!

Later …

C – have just had a call from James, and Eleanor has been admitted to hospital. She has had a minor heart attack. It happened a few days ago and that is why she has been feeling so unwell. She is undergoing tests and waiting for an angiogram.

S – I am so sorry; call if you need anything at all. I have told work that I may have to leave.

C – thanks very much. No more days off for me – I have decided they bring me nothing but grief. I have one day off and my mother-in-law has a fall and my sister ends up in hospital!

S – no; it is a bit like sitting on that sofa – it is not for the likes of you. I am sure Eleanor will be ok now that they have diagnosed the problem – the hospital did everything possible when Michael had his heart attack (and it was a big one, not a minor one).

Want To Be Awash With Wine, Not Tea!

Is tea the answer - no wine is the answer!

Is tea the answer – no wine is the answer!

29 July 2014

S – what are you up to today – I am stuck at the Local Office.

S – are you there? Is everything ok – no reply to my text?

C – sorry, am running around like a headless chicken, as usual. I have just arrived at the hospital with Toby’s mother, as she has to have some minor surgery on her face. Then have to take my sister for physiotherapy. Then back again to pick up mother-in-law to take her home. I have no idea what time Toby will return from market, as he is unable to give me an estimated time of arrival.

S – oh dear – all of those are jobs that will not earn you any money!

C – yes, and I have spent too much time in this hospital for my liking lately. My status seems to be that of carer at the moment, along with everything else. I have just seen some skinny doctor, sashaying around in a low cut maxi dress.

S – I am sashaying around in my maxi dress today. It is so damn hot in this office it is almost unbearable.

Later ..

C – I am now back at mother-in-laws waiting for Toby to take over as I do not want to leave her. I am awash with tea, when I should be awash with wine.

C – home at last – just reaching for a glass of chilled Chardonnay and am raising my glass to my staunch mother-in-law who has reached the ripe old age of ninety two and a half, is tea total and does not smoke. There is obviously no hope of us reaching such an age, thank God – think the wine will take us before that.

I Could Hear Scratching Again In The Roof!

These are the only mice I want in my house!

These are the only mice I want in my house!

19 June 2014

C – great start to the day – the lock on the back door has broken and Toby is nowhere to be seen so I will have to sort it out.

Later …

C – now on my way to first clean – they have just returned from France so no doubt I will get the usual nonsense and speaking in French when I arrive. She is rather a name dropper and wants to be seen as very important all the time – I find it most needy.

S – poor you; try and get done and dusted as quickly as you can.

C – thank goodness, they have just gone out to pick up cat from cattery and go to Tesco, so finally some peace!

S – you need to get out before they are back. Did Phoebe go to school today? Sophie is much better now that she has completed her course of steroids. Most peculiar – could really do with finding out what crop it was that caused the problem.

C – yes, she seems to have recovered some what – thank goodness. She has a drama exam today – think we should do ok in that one!

S – as usual piles of goodies in this office. Just stuffing a large slice of caramel shortbread – I have no will power at all.

C – yummy, who needs will power at our age – it is surplus to requirements. Drank too much last night – found myself justifying it as I could hear scratching again in the roof. Luckily I consumed my quota of wine (and yours) and was able to slip into unconsciousness very quickly and slept like a log until 0500 when I was wide awake with a banging headache. I could then not get back to sleep due to all the scratching going on overhead – must phone the council.

S – bloody vermin – get the Pest Control Officer in asap – you can’t be running alive again.

C – I bet our friend in the office, Julie, is not tucking into anything fattening.

S – no she is not and she is as skinny as ever. She is even cycling to work now that the weather is better – we couldn’t even make it to spinning classes – what happended to that resolution?

Sounds As If A Fun Time Was Had By All

Definitely need some new ones!

Definitely need some new ones!

16 June 2014

C – next time I have some money I serously need to buy some bath towels. Just got washing in from line and mine are like cardboard and practically impossible to fold. Phoebe commented that no one needs to exfoliate in our house, as the towels are so rough they are like sandpaper!

S – could do with some new ones myself but am afraid they are at the bottom of my list with all the school trips to pay for. I am doing bank work today and was greeted at office with the words “oh, thank goodness you are here we are so short staffed – can you work the whole day?” Needless to say it is only 10.00am and there is bugger all for me to do, so what is that all about? Still, I am not complaining as I am getting paid. What is holiday house like today?

C – extremely messy as the group who were there for the weekend were, yet again, on a stag party – we seem to attract an awful lot of stag partiers. Found a wig and women’s underwear in the bin – am trying not to imagine!

S – sounds as if a fun time was had by all, except you and the ladies who help you clean. Hope your next lot are not as bad.

17 June 2014

S – forgot to tell you, I was at Accident and Emergency with Sophie at the weekend – she had an allergic reaction to some crop. She was out and about with friends in the fields above the farmyard.

C – hope she is ok now. I am just at the hospital with Toby’s mother. Her cataracts are troublesome and the hospital car did not turn up, so I have brought her in. Phoebe is off school today. She is flopping around; we have a doctor’s appointment for this afternoon – heaven only knows what is wrong with her – can’t put my finger on it.

Later …

C – just at doctors now with Phoebe. Hope we can get to the bottom of this one but not holding my breath. Was in hospital all afternoon with mother-in-law. I asked the doctor if she could be fast tracked wither cataracts, as she is 92 and time is not on her side. He thought that was highly amusing and said he would do that for her.

S – well done in getting mother-in-law fast tracked – not easy to do in the NHS nowadays. Hope doctor is able to find out what is wrong with Phoebe.

C – the doctor could not find anything in particular but took some blood and urine. I am thinking there is really nothing wrong and that she needs to have a much “stiffer upper lip!” I have tramped all over that hospital today, first with Toby’s mother and then delivering Phoebe’s samples!! Oh, and by the way, I am apparently the worst mother in the world.

Full Transmission Has Been Resumed At Last

Camilla, please watch an epidsode of Friends!

Camilla, please watch an epidsode of Friends!

28 May 2014

C – just arrived at second clean and have just had to listen to a ten minute lecture from the old boy giving me a blow by blow account of what he thinks happened to Flight MH370. Such a tragedy and the conspiracy theories flying around are not helping those left behind. On a brighter note, the saddle fits the pony but God knows how I am going to pay for it – I will have to ask if I can do it in instalments. Had a new note at my first clean today “Please can you wet dust with diluted flash!” – what is that all about?

S – gosh, she is a note a week lady – she definitely has cleanliness issue – a bit of a Monica.

C – I agree, but who is Monica?

S – OMG you need to get out more – have you never seen Friends? (I think we may have had this conversation already – just watch an episode, please). How is your leg?

C – don’t ask. Have been given antibiotics after my second visit to the GP but apparently it could be a viral skin infection and I just have to wait for my body to become immune. I have to wash every towel after it has been used only once and wash everyone’s bedding every couple of days – everyone’s bedding, every couple of days – how am I supposed to do that?

S – why do these things always happen to you?

Later …

C – am now home and, thank God, the TV ariel is now fixed so we have all channels up and running after a whole week of nothing. However, the down side is that I found husband firmly in front of TV snoozing. How the other half live!!!