Bees Round A Honey Pot

The photocopier has caused Camilla no end of problems.  (Photo by www.hrwebcafe.com)

The photocopier has caused Camilla no end of problems. (Photo by http://www.hrwebcafe.com)

28 November 2014

C – bonjour, I hope your morning is going swimmingly. I have found a new place to park, just of Culliford Road going towards Lancaster Road lots of spaces and not far for me to walk, although I did notice some twitching curtains as I locked the car and walk away, so may end up finding a note on my car window screen. Had to do the horses this morning so had no time for breakfast; only had three rich tea biscuits which are not my favourite at the best of times. The end result is that I could now “eat the crutch out of a low flying pigeon” as our dear friend Ozzy Patrick would say. No cream cakes around and I don’t like to help myself to the biscuits as I makes me look greedy, will try to hold out as is only 1200 ish

S – all very quiet over here. One of my colleagues, who shall remain nameless, should have been on annual leave but cancelled it. He is in annoying me, I have plenty of annoyance at home do not need any here. Was looking forward to a nice quiet day. I hope he invents some appointments to go to!

C – poor you. I have officially started my lunch as is nearly 1230; will have to slip out for a sticky bun to keep me going through the afternoon. Phoebe has a hockey match after school so will be working till 5.00 ish. At least it is warm in the office; was freezing in the flat when I got home ‘cos we don’t have heating on in the day time. It’s called fuel poverty!

S – 1200 ish is lunch time in my books – that is why I am always so hungry when I get home.

C – just been to the photocopier and the new girl, who is very slim and pretty, was having a spot of bother. She had not adjusted the quantity she wanted to print on her computer and paper was spewing out of the machine at a rate of knots. I told her to go back to her computer and terminate the print job. She was not sure how to do this and, before you could blink, she had half the males in the office buzzing round her computer trying to help. I suppose that is what happens when you are young and pretty. No one offered to help me when I had the same problem but I guess I am well and truly past my “sell by date”!!! Have had dramas with George – it is a long story so will tell you later.

S – a drama with George – I think that is overdue – things have been very quiet in that area for some time.

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How Did Kitty Manage That?

Poor Kitty (Photo by www.aliexpress.com

Poor Kitty (Photo by http://www.aliexpress.com)

6 November 2014

C – morning, hope you were in bright and early. I was up at 0615; I have worked pony, mucked out and my bottom was on my office chair by 0830. I am meeting Julia in Costa at 1235; don’t suppose you can make it.

S – not a chance. I have just finished Excel 2010 Training Course and, unlike you, didn’t get in until 0915 so no break for me. Say hi to Julia!!

C – what a shame; was it good training? I could do with a bit of that kind of updating; never mind all the of the crap I have had to sit through. Just packing up now and winding down before lunch. Oh, how am I supposed to wind down when I have not wound up yet? Still, last day in office for this week so chins up girl.

Later …

C – just had a text message from Kitty, she has just been to Lidl shopping and has locked the keys in her car. Such a pain when that happens; have offered to rescue her but she has the RAC coming to sort the issue.

S – I expect she was loading up on cheap wine. How can you lock the keys in the car with electronic locking?

C – God knows but Kitty has managed it. I will be in touch after my “Costa packet” coffee. Oh, I just remembered I got lottery ticket yesterday so must look up numbers – that’s something to look forward to.

S – don’t forget me if you win big time!

C – it’s your fault I bought the damn thing – I have enough bad habits and don’t need to add gambling to the list. Had a great catch up with Julia, she is a laugh, she was giving me the run down on the new office bod, she sounds very weird and poor Jane says she has no sense of humour. God knows the work is dull enough with out work colleagues being dull. How are things panning out your end, Is Mr S in residence today?

S – no sign of him. Poor Julia – that office is getting as dull as ditch water. You definitely don’t need to add gambling to the list but the odd ticket won’t hurt! Have you heard anything from George lately?

C – sadly have not heard from him myself.  Apparently, he spoke to Toby yesterday and got some dosh out of him; luck him everytime I try I seem to fail.  Oh crap, just realized have hardly a drain of fuel in the bloody car it’s a shame they don’t run on fresh air.  Will have to zip down to London Road garage to fill up before I come to pick you up.  So bored; have been punching in names and address onto spreadsheet all day. It is like watching paint dry. My brain has become totally void of any kind of funnyness or joy  Help!!!!!

Knee Not Good

Think something is amiss!

Think something is amiss!

28 October 2014

C – hi was up early and had bottom cheeks on seat by 0800. Not feeling great as I over imbibed last night, as per usual. I have to say the anti inflammatory tablets do seem to be working ‘cos my knee did not hurt in bed and when I got up I was able to walk a little easier and it was not as painful walking to work. I am going for an x-ray on Friday. Why do these things take so long; it is not as though I am at the GPs at the drop of a hat moaning? Oh well. Very bored and now have an issue with my tax code and have to ring the tax office which will be a challenge in its self. Still I can do that in work time not in my time.

S – sorry about knee – hope you get it sorted. The x-ray should hopefully shed some light on the situation.

C – am setting up a spreadsheet with details of private landlords and letting agents and I need to check their details on the web, but keep getting access denied – will have to ask someone for help, I suppose. The head honcho went home about an hour ago as he was feeling unwell; think he has man flu. Thank god he is not self employed. Will be trotting out that door myself when not feeling top notch. Hehe

29 October 2014

C – maybe we could share some e-mails with our readers as text messages have been put on hold, due to new job. I have had a marvellous find in the office; got my hands on a big box from the stationary cupboard which I have located under my desk. It is the perfect height for resting my leg in the horizontal position, thus taking the weight off it. Am thinking that the medication and rest are doing a good job. Every cloud has a silver lining.

S – have already been compiling e-mails for blog all the typing does make one look so busy. Much easier and more convenient than texting!

C – at last, I have found an IT bod who knows all that there is to know about the computer system and how everything works. Have decided to mother him a bit and get him on side; then when I have a drama he will sort it out. Was thinking of making him a cake for being so helpful.

S – yes, or you could give him one of your walnut whips – you are good at that mothering lark. You had “Will I Am” eating out of your hand!

C – yes, it always pays dividends to keep a walnut whip up your sleeve. Am fed up now; feels like I have been here forever and ever. Losing the will to go on. Do you fancy popping into Spoons – it is the boss’s birthday and he has asked us all out for a drink – could do without it? We could meet by accident then I could chat to you instead of them.

S – sorry, but can’t make Spoons. What a nuisance that you have to drag up the high street in the rain but it would be a poor show if you declined. I did three Christmas lunches two years ago, due to starting a new job and wanting to keep in with the lady who arranges bank staff at my old post – all of the lunches were dreadful and expensive but theses things have to be done. I am not doing any this year except for the estate agent one as that one is free!!!

We Seem To Have Eating Disorder As Well As Drinking One!

I wish I had one!

I wish I had one!

23 October 2014

C – good morning, how are you today? Got up late this morning as Eleanor said she would do horses, so I laid in my bed for far too long. I had to scrape Hannah off the sheets after her school trip to London yesterday and, as per usual Toby was still in bed when I left, so lord only knows what will transpire after my departure. Still, as I sit here tapping away I am thinking to myself that a few mornings missing the bus and having to join the school run traffic will be a steep learning curve for him. Oh well it’s out of my hands, although I will have to face any aftermath on my return home. So happy that I will at last be getting my ears syringed; I can’t wait. How sad is it that ear syringing is all I have to look forward to. Hope your day goes well – just off to get a brew.

S – got in at 0905. A school run or two down Queen’s Avenue will do Toby the world of good!!

C – I am now making tea, clearing the kitchen and then visiting the post room – not sure I can cope with the excitement. Can’t remember my passwords to get into Learning Portal and the lady who had them is not working today. So, pretending I know what I am doing, think I may have to resort to thoroughly cleaning the already clean kitchen area again in oder to look busy, ‘cos that’s what I do best!

S – Well, at least it is a nice kitchen area with all mod cons!

C – yes, and did I tell you they have a dishwasher, how sprancy is that? Still cannot get into system and can’t find IT Bod, as not sure of her name or what floor she is on. God help me it is only 11.30 and I am already starving.

S – am hungry too – thinking about tackling lunch now, as not sure I can wait until 1200. Have to go downstairs to organise some parking permits for a meeting, so that will hopefully keep me away from the trough for ten minutes. By the number of e-mails from you I imagine you are as busy as me!!

Later …

C – lunch has been consumed. Just have a “Mug Shot Snack Stop” left – flavour, cheesy pasta. Just realised I can now use these e-mails for blog and can cut and paste – so much easier. Only one problem – I have deleted all the ones from this morning – being overly cautious!! Can you forward them all to me? It will give you something to do and make you look busy.

C – silly moo – ok will resend them. I have now been put in touch with someone who can sort my ID and Password, which apparently I have in the multitude of notes I have scribbled in the last three days. So problem resolved and now I can spend some time at least looking like I know what I am doing. No one up hear seems to have problems with eating disorder, or probably drinking disorder come to that, like us. They are all very serious and no one is tucking into lunch yet. Just about to snack on a walnut whip – what a treat yum!

S – lucky you – wish I had one. All e-mails now cut and pasted – will try to do post later.

C – clever girl, if I was nearer I would give you my walnut whip as a reward but as you are not I will be forced to eat it myself, shame!!!!

Fifty Shades Of Beige (Grumpy Old Women)

Whatever happened to customer service?  "Grumpy Old Woman" strikes again!

Whatever happened to customer service? “Grumpy Old Woman” strikes again!

C – A very poor night’s sleep was had tossing and turning, with images of myself spread eagled on the pavement next to sports car, flashing through my mind. Yesterday was my first official day at the Estate Agents. I did, in the end, manage to heave myself in and out of the sports car without showing myself up. The very nice young man, whist admiring my waxed country jacket, did say that his mother had one exactly the same – I did feel rather matriarchal, yet again. The day was most enjoyably viewing very expensive and luxurious properties, however, I had to take issue with the condition of the cups, the kitchen and general cleanliness around the office – is this me reverting type (once a cleaning lady always a cleaning lady!). I am a big fan of Location, Location, Location (and of Kirsty and Phil, of course) so I have been trying to pick some tips up from them.

I am not so fond of Currys, however. My daughter’s very old TV has broken. I bought a new one for her today from Sainsbury’s. However, when we got home the cable from her old TV did not fit. I went to Curry’s to purchase what I was assured would be the correct cable and was served by a very churlish young man. My daughter has just tried to attach this new cable and it does not fit. Phoebe is now ranting and raving and nashing her teeth and Currys is shut, so I cannot return there until tomorrow to rant and rave myself!!! If the churlish young man does not resolve this situation I will be shoving that cable where the sun does not shine, so he had better hope it is his day off! “Grumpy Old Woman” strikes again. On reflection, maybe I should not be so aggressive, but it has not been the best of days today, and has been topped off with the news that George has lost both sets of his car keys and has had to call the AA out. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that I have extra cover for lost car keys – oh joy!

Never Work With Children Or Animals

How am I going to exit these bucket seats in style?

How am I going to exit these bucket seats in style?

C – I was recently appointed as a part time sales negotiator with a local branch of Estate Agents. I have spent some hours today in “training” for my new role, lots to learn, computer system, jargon, telephone system, middle aged brain is now seriously overloaded.

I am feeling very matriarchal as the average age in the office is about 16 and I feel like the old battleaxe. Must make a mental note to read more of the blog entitled How Not To Act Old by Pamela Redmond Satran for some tips, as I will be spending most of Saturday accompanying a very young man to a number of viewings. I noticed to my horror, as I was departing the office, that he has a very small flashy sports car with those bucket seats that I will have to shoehorn myself in and out of several times during the day. I so do not want to make a fool of myself needing to be prized from the bucket seat, unable to get enough purchase with my middle aged limbs to make an impressive exit from the aforesaid flashy sports car. Must not wear a skirt or high heels.

IT Guru, Rich Baby, came over this evening to give Sheshe and myself a master class in getting Google to find our blog easily and blogging in general. Two hours of intensive computer info, my brain has now expired so am using wine to regenerate the few remaining cells. Seriously, am now not sure if we have got a handle on the whole blogging thing, the final straw that broke the camel’s back was when we realised the “Instagram Widget” (which we need to help us spread our blog to the world) can only be accessed via a smart phone app or Apple device. Neither of us have such expensive, sort after phones, unlike our kids who have them firmly pressed into their hot little hands and are constantly tapping away at them like birds, Instagraming and Snapchatting to their hearts content. Therefore, we cannot access this widget until we can upgrade our old “brick like” phone technology. The sad truth is that, even if would could afford to upgrade, it would take us a month of Sundays to get to grips with how to use them. This is, of course, the reason we stick with our old phones; hanging on to the past for dear life instead of being the cool mums our kids constantly remind us their friends have. We have failed yet again.

And finally, my daughter announced to IT Guru, Rich Baby, much to my embarrassment, that she overheard Sheshe and myself discussing foreplay. “How disgusting is that!!!” she cried. I pointed out to Rich Baby, with a very red face, that we were talking hypothetically and using the phrase as a technical blogging term. Not sure it washed but he was polite enough not to discuss the matter any further. Phew, think I may have got away with that one!!!! The advice is never work with children or animals as they always let you down in company,

What Are Those Key Words Doing Double Underlined In Blue?

S – we don’t know where Rich Baby (IT guru) is. Not responding to text messages with pleas for help! Has he eloped or just gone away for half term holidays? We have just posted some more texts and have noticed that we now have some key words double underlined in blue that lead to information from relevant companies. Where did these come from – does anyone know – and shouldn’t we be getting paid for them as they are promoting other people’s products. As far as we are aware we have not initiated this!!?? 02.10.13 – They seem to have disappeared!