I Wish I Had Some

Need more of this! (Photo by blogjob.com)

Need more of this! (Photo by blogjob.com)

15 October 2014

C – had a shock this morning. Arrived at my first clean and rang the bell, as usual, but no answer and the newspaper was still in the letter box. Got the key out of the key safe and let myself in. No sign of lady downstairs, so had to go up calling out as I went. I opened the bedroom door and saw feet sticking out of the bottom of the bed – scared me to death as I thought she had popped her clogs. However, she was alive – had been out yesterday celebrating her 90th birthday and was exhausted – did not hear me ring the bell!

S – dead bodies are not needed – you have enough drama in your life. Thank goodness she was ok.

Later …

C – need some advice re interview I have next week. Do you have any idea what I should wear – maybe I need to be a little less business like and should try flashing a bit of cleavage as I do seem to have my share, and yours. Business like doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere.

S – maybe cleavage is the answer. Everyone here seems to have their’s out in a most inappropriate fashion. It seems the larger they are the more they like flashing them!!

C – the old adage if you’ve got it flaunt it springs to mind, especially as no one seems to care if you can actually to the job – maybe I am barking up the wrong tree!

S – just spoken to nursing home as Daphne has been on the phone three times to Michael with tales of falling out of bed and being left alone. She is fine and has not fallen anywhere. She has buzzed them 18 times in three hours and they are muttering about the possibility that they may not be able to “meet her needs”. She may have cooked her goose there I feel. She has also upset other residents – bugger!!

C – I fear it was always on the cards as she is a very demanding woman. Maybe you need to cut up rough and tell her a few home truths – otherwise she will be out on her ear. Talking about cutting up rough, I was chatting to Eleanor about Daphne and how stressfull it is all getting for you with her continual phone calls. She replied that you should keep calm and that she is ensuring that she is now always a picture of “Heart Attack Serenity”. Eleanor and serene are not two words that ususlly trip off the tounge in one sentence!!! Watch this space to see if all this serenity is a permanent thing. I wish I had some!

I Am Never Behind The Wheel!

Why is my car always in one of these?  (Photo by www.clker.com

Why is my car always in one of these? (Photo by http://www.clker.com)

6 October 2014

C – am off my face today – just two of us to clean whole of holiday house and I have to take Toby’s mother to the hospital at midday. Broom firmly up arse as usual.

S – can’t Toby take her?

C – apparently not, as he is shearing sheep’s bums!!! I beleive the technical term is dagging.

C – will have to cancel our evening out as chaos at home. Toby called me at 4 o’clock to say that we need to be at the Grassland Society Dinner tonight and will have to leave home at 6 o’clock – he forgot to tell me. The truck has failed its MOT and needs loads of money spending on it. Eleanor is kindly taking Phoebe to Pony Club for me – let’s just hope they don’t fall out! So, our pleasant evening at Brewery Square will have to be postponed.

S – don’t worry – we can do it another time. All peace and quiet at mine thank goodness. Have a good evening. Are the Grassland Society a fun bunch?

C – no! And, forgot to say, received another photograph of my car being driven in a bus lane in Oxford today, along with a super duper fine to go with it. So, Toby is no better than George as it was him driving my car in the bus lane, and the last time I had one of these photos George was driving my car!!!

This Is The Countryside, Not The Middle Of London!

No fibre optic broadband here!! (Photo by www.broadbandin.co.uk)

No fibre optic broadband here!! (Photo by http://www.broadbandin.co.uk)

6 August 2014

C – Eleanor is back on the ward. She has had two stents and all went well.

S – thank goodness for that and that they found the problem and have put the stents in. She could have had a serious heart attack. I will go in and see her this evening.

C – I am going in this evening as well, so I will see you later.

7 August 2014

C – Eleanor is being discharged today as they are very happy with how everything went.

S – that is good news. Are you free to come with me to Bournemouth to visit Doreen. There is a place available at the nursing home she is thinking of going into. I thought I would go and see her to let her know.

C – yes, I’ll come with you. Can we leave at about one? I need to do some shopping for Eleanor – I have just had two days off – what happened to my “me time”?

S – one o’clock is good for me. As for the “me time” – I don’t think you are cut out for it!

C – have just had the people from the holiday house on the phone complaining that they Sky TV is not working and that the broadband speed is too slow and can I do anything about it. I had to point out that we live in the middle of nowhere and we do not have fibre optic broadband, so, no, there is nothing I can do about it as I do not have a magic wand!!! Would you be able to come over to the house before we go to Bournemouth to look at the Sky Box as I know nothing about Sky? Why are they not at the beach in this lovely weather instead of watching TV?

S – exactly! I will be at house at one. Not sure I can do much but will take a look.

C – can you believe it – I have just phoned people at the house to check how Sky is now and it is working and he is sitting watching the cricket (one of the toddlers had pulled out a plug). Why did he not ring me!? I closed the conversation by saying that I would see them tomorrow at ten, to which he replied could they leave later. No, is the answer to that one too. I pointed out that the people arriving tomorrow will be on the doorstep at three champing at the bit to get in and it will take four or five hours to clean the place – hells teeth!!

S – ok, I will see you at yours at one. Just keep calm and carry on.

11 August 2014

S – my back went yesterday so I am in the office staggering around like an old woman. Only hope it is ok by Friday as I have to clean the holiday cottage. What are you up to?

C – I am near Yeovil at a one day event waiting for Phoebe and Toby to arrive. I have horse in trailer and they are coming from Wales – they went to stay with friends in Pembrokeshire for the weekend. I was looking after all the stock and the truck broke down. A very nice AA man came out and informed me it is the alternator – just what we need – not! Sorry to hear about your back.

S – oh dear, that won’t be cheap – hope Phoebe and Toby get to you in time.

Later …

C – check this out someone just posted it on our Facebook page. We liked it.

Weighing Yourself

I Only Put “Lingerie” In The Search Box!!!

Camilla and I never have this problem! (Photo by www.kitchendaily.com)

Camilla and I never have this problem! (Photo by http://www.kitchendaily.com)

4 August 2014

C – just at second clean. I am dusting the bottles of wine on the rack. Can you imagine having bottles of wine in your house so long that they gather dust?

S – no I can’t. I never have dusty wine in my house.

C – lady of the house has a bra and knickers that she paid £80 for (on the bed with lables still attached) – they are double income no kids so I suppose they have little else to do with their money.

S – £80 on a bra and knickers would be nice but then again Michael might get fruity and we dont want that!

C – you don’t want any fruityness in this heat!! I am off to mother-in-laws after cleans as she has had a fall and can’t be left alone. She has a badly bruised and cut face and I think her finger is broken but she refuses to go to hospital. Toby is with her at the moment but he needs to do the stock. Have had Patrick on the phone blubbing, as he is dreading Geroge coming back to the UK. He thinks it will be years before he sees him (and us) again and can’t cope with the thought!!

S – poor Patrick, he will be a mess when George gets on that plane! Sorry I can’t help with Toby’s mother but I am at office doing extra hours, again!! Had the day from hell at estate agents on Saturday with two “touting” rounds shoving cards in letter boxes! And, the punters managed to hit the steps outside the cottage with their car and completely dislodge them, so Michael had to spend Friday afternoon doing repairs in this heat.

C – well, my lot that are in at the moment seen to have broken the brand new Bosch diswasher – have had to call in the suppliers to look at it!!!

Later …

S – have just been looking for a lingerie photo for the post and managed to bring up snaps of people having sex – not what I need when I am at work and someone is standing behind me at the photocopier!! Think I will have to make do with photo of dusty wine bottle.

C – you need to choose your search words more carefully.

S – I only put “lingerie” in the search box!!!

What Is Ozzi Patrick Thinking?

George does not need leading astray!  (Photo by henedinburgh.com)

George does not need leading astray! (Photo by henedinburgh.com)

10 July 2014

S – how is your day going at Hartpury?

C – good – great watching such high class dressage and now waiting for prize giving. On the down side, the back of my neck is burnt and I have been sitting on a plank of wood for several hours so bottom cheeks are numb. Looking forward to supper out and not having to cook. Am wishing I had secreted some wine in my luggage.

Later …

C – now sitting in a pub with some amazing views having a lovely supper – it is at times like these that I realise the pleasures that money would bring!

11 July 2014

C – did not sleep well in student accommodation. When I arrived home the hall and stairs smelt like a dog kennel because Toby had been at the sailing club since I left. I pointed out that the third dog was surplus to requirements and that he had brought it into the house, so he should be cleaning up the mess! Now have large glass of wine in my hand so feeling a little better.

S – yes, she is such a lovely little dog but with two of them already you did not really need a third and to start all that puppy training again!

14 July 2014

C – another blisteringly hot day and I will be sweating like a pig cleaning that holiday home. Only two of us will be doing it (instead of the usual four) due to holidays. Waiting for the bus – it always sails past on a Monday morning; then I have to follow it to school ranting all the way. Skyped Patrick last night and got him out of bed. He and George are having a great time and apparently George is off to a lap dancing club later in the week – I want to kill Patrick for that one.

S – have had quite a lot to do today in the office so have only just read your text. Is Patrick going to the club as well?

C – No, apparently.

S – oh dear, I think George does not need leading astray – he is quite capable of going astray on his own – what is Patrick thinking anyway – he has obviously been watching too many episodes of Friends?

Not Serious Enough, Evidently!

We will not be needing Michael - not drinking with those two again!

We will not be needing Michael – not drinking with those two again!

26 June 2014

C – it is Kitty’s birthday take away this evening (sorry, forgot to let you know) – can you make it and do you think Michael could taxi for us?

S – yes, I will be there. I will pick you up as I fear I may die if I drink with Helena and Kitty again – do you remember last time; I certainly do! Those two are way out of my league!

C – we will not be drinking too much because we have to work the next day.

S – I have heard that one before.

C – yes, I said that to Helena and Kitty. And when do you see me taking a day off to lay around the house anyway? However, still think I will manage a glass or two. Am at usual clean and, thank goodness, the trip to France has been forgotten but have just noticed that the husband is on a list of WI speakers. Apparently you have to audition!!! His talk is entitled “The discovery of France – The Past Which Sticks Around”. I can feel myself yawning already!! Me, being mean again! I am really fed up with the rolls of fat that are being revealed due to the hot weather. Debbie has lost two stone and looks amazing – Slimming World and no alcohol!!

S – following inspection of my bingo arms the other day whilst waiting for some clients at a viewing, I think I really do need to get into shape. I have even threatened to cycle to Weymouth with Julie.

C – are you mad – you will end up in Accident and Emergency! Lets face it, after the Spinning fiasco – or lack of Spinning fiasco – how serious are we about this exercise lark?

S – not serious enough, evidently!

Later …

C – damn, at second clean and woman is at home today – she decided to take a couple of days off. I was hoping to be in and out, but no chance now as she has some extra jobs for me. She is moaning that her husband is abroad working all the time – I wish he could take my husband with him to give me a break!

I Could Hear Scratching Again In The Roof!

These are the only mice I want in my house!

These are the only mice I want in my house!

19 June 2014

C – great start to the day – the lock on the back door has broken and Toby is nowhere to be seen so I will have to sort it out.

Later …

C – now on my way to first clean – they have just returned from France so no doubt I will get the usual nonsense and speaking in French when I arrive. She is rather a name dropper and wants to be seen as very important all the time – I find it most needy.

S – poor you; try and get done and dusted as quickly as you can.

C – thank goodness, they have just gone out to pick up cat from cattery and go to Tesco, so finally some peace!

S – you need to get out before they are back. Did Phoebe go to school today? Sophie is much better now that she has completed her course of steroids. Most peculiar – could really do with finding out what crop it was that caused the problem.

C – yes, she seems to have recovered some what – thank goodness. She has a drama exam today – think we should do ok in that one!

S – as usual piles of goodies in this office. Just stuffing a large slice of caramel shortbread – I have no will power at all.

C – yummy, who needs will power at our age – it is surplus to requirements. Drank too much last night – found myself justifying it as I could hear scratching again in the roof. Luckily I consumed my quota of wine (and yours) and was able to slip into unconsciousness very quickly and slept like a log until 0500 when I was wide awake with a banging headache. I could then not get back to sleep due to all the scratching going on overhead – must phone the council.

S – bloody vermin – get the Pest Control Officer in asap – you can’t be running alive again.

C – I bet our friend in the office, Julie, is not tucking into anything fattening.

S – no she is not and she is as skinny as ever. She is even cycling to work now that the weather is better – we couldn’t even make it to spinning classes – what happended to that resolution?