Eyes Glazed Over And Definitely Past My “Sell By” Date

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

14 January 2015

C – just thinking about lunch, I managed to make a ham roll before leaving the house, but have to be honest and say the roll is a bit past its sell by date, like me, so not over excited about eating it. May have to pop out and find something a bit more delicious to keep me going this afternoon. Any suggestions?

S – M&S always the best. I have dip and raw carrots – very healthy!

C – yum, I fancy some of that will pop down to M&S and see what they have to offer.

S – Michael brought me to work this morning as my car is in the garage – it failed its MOT – needs new headlight and wheel baring – about £200! What fun. Just seem to tip everything I earn into someone else’s pocket!

C – oh bugger it, bloody cars just drain every penny one has. I look around at the people in this office who seem to have lovely clothes, immaculate hair and are constantly holidaying in Shamal Shake (can’t spell it), or similar. I can’t even afford a weekend away, still have not paid this months Council Tax, credit card is maxed out and Toby is swanning around as if we do not have a care in the world!

S – holiday for the two of us in Sharm el Sheikh would be very nice! Still have all afternoon to go in this office – not sure I can stand it – it is also so cold here today!

C – lovely and toasty in my new temperature controlled office. Maybe that is why there is some woman here, the very wrong side of 50, walking around in an extremely short knitted skirt and a see through blouse; what is that all about? She clearly did not look in the mirror this morning. Am feeling out of shape myself. We really need to do some kind of low impact exercise at the gym. All this sitting and eating is just going to continue to pile on the pounds; maybe we could look at Pilates Classes. I know we have talked about this before, and nothing came of it, but we could go straight after work so then we won’t have to go home and come back again. We could change at the gym then take our sweaty bodies home afterwards. What do you think?

S – I think it is a good idea – will look at Leisure Centre website.  This time we need to take it seriously and do something.

C – well, am very bored and my eyes are glazeing over looking at this computer. I feel like running up and down the office screaming blue murder – reminds me of Reggie Perrin on the TV many years ago. Help, am sinking into depression.

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I Am Never Behind The Wheel!

Why is my car always in one of these?  (Photo by www.clker.com

Why is my car always in one of these? (Photo by http://www.clker.com)

6 October 2014

C – am off my face today – just two of us to clean whole of holiday house and I have to take Toby’s mother to the hospital at midday. Broom firmly up arse as usual.

S – can’t Toby take her?

C – apparently not, as he is shearing sheep’s bums!!! I beleive the technical term is dagging.

C – will have to cancel our evening out as chaos at home. Toby called me at 4 o’clock to say that we need to be at the Grassland Society Dinner tonight and will have to leave home at 6 o’clock – he forgot to tell me. The truck has failed its MOT and needs loads of money spending on it. Eleanor is kindly taking Phoebe to Pony Club for me – let’s just hope they don’t fall out! So, our pleasant evening at Brewery Square will have to be postponed.

S – don’t worry – we can do it another time. All peace and quiet at mine thank goodness. Have a good evening. Are the Grassland Society a fun bunch?

C – no! And, forgot to say, received another photograph of my car being driven in a bus lane in Oxford today, along with a super duper fine to go with it. So, Toby is no better than George as it was him driving my car in the bus lane, and the last time I had one of these photos George was driving my car!!!

Sex Always Sells, It Seems

16 July 2014

C – thank goodness Michael Gove has gone – we need a new Education Minister to do something positive. Lots of views on blog yesterday.

S – good – I am going to do a re-blog today of a post I have been saving from The Fearful Dragon. We so need to get together; are you free on Sunday?

C – am at dressage with Phoebe and we do not have our times yet. Just realised I have missed the chiropodist and she is on holiday during July and August.

S – phone her to see if she can fit you in later. Our damn tumble dryer has broken down. It is in pieces in the kitchen. Michael can fix it but we need a part and, as it is an American dryer, it could be difficult to get it.

C – nothing is ever easy. However, I have just phoned the chiropodist and she can fit me in later – hooray. Have you looked at our Facebook – the photo of the naked men cleaning a car has been very popular – sex always sells, it seems?

(S – here it is for those of you who have not seen it on Facebook).

Men and Car

Later …

C – after a morning spent cleaning I am now at the estate agents – they were short staffed and I need the extra cash. How are things at your end?

S – very quiet – is it busy down there?

C – manic – how is it that you always manage to land the easy jobs? I have a viewing at 3.30 pm and then I will be on the dreaded phone outs – not looking forward to that.

S – ah, but don’t forget you have those flats and that sofa you sit on every other Saturday, while I am nose to the grind stone!

C – forgot to tell you; Patrick and George were still partying last night and there was some issue over them gaining entrance to a night club. A small scuffle ensued invovling George and the bouncers. Fortunately, no arrests were made – can that boy never stay out of trouble and Patrick should now better at his age?

My Starsky And Hutch Moment

C – Phoebe must seriously think I am the coolest mother in the world. Leaving the house late, yet again, for the bus, I spotted that it had pulled in and was waiting at the bottom of the lane. In my slightly hung over state (due to Staff Christmas Party) I did not want to be driving on public roads. Seeing the bus waiting I decided to drive flat out at it with my lights flashing. I slalomed my way around an oncoming vehicle in the lane with the grace and speed of a Formula 1 racing car driver; actually it was a bit of a Starsky and Hutch moment. I slammed the brakes on at last minute in order for Phoebe to exit the car and get onto the bus with ease. The Toyota Starlet which the garage have lent me (as my car is off the road), performed like a Porsche. I think all the children on the bus, and my daughter, were impressed with my driving skills and it’s not even 08.30 yet. I am sure I will be the talk of the school this morning 🙂

Later …

C – Oh dear Phoebe not impressed with my driving skills and was mortified that we attracted so much attention when I raced for the bus – apparently it was noticed by everyone!!! So yes, failed again.

S – I did think you were being a tad optimistic in thinking you were going to be bandied about school as the coolest mum, but did not want to spoil the moment for you.

C – call yourself a friend, it’s clear you are just jealous of my exceptional driving skills. Must dash text you tomorrow, if I have time!!!

No “It” For A Week!

No Sex Please We're British !

No Sex Please We’re British! (Photo by Dominik Gwarek)

18 December 2013

C – forgot to tell you that after I had my device fitted the nurse was very concerned that I should not have “it” for a week and tried to push a large packet of condoms into my hand. I told her that I did not need them and that having a “week off” would not be a problem. In fact, I said that I also had some friends who could perhaps do with a “no it” note for their husbands at this busy time of year. However, I again seemed to be in the company of a professional who had, had a “sense of humour bypass”!

S – oh dear, I don’t think they’re allowed a sense of humour in the Family Planning Clinic. You really don’t need to be in that place at your age!

C – and, oh joy, have car back but battery has been disconnected so I can’t use radio. I do not have the code needed to get it working. Having spoken to Dorchester Ford they said they have changed hands approximately 16 times since car was purchased; so they do not have a record of my code. I will have to take car in so they can remove radio and e-mail Ford UK to get the code. And guess what – there is a £20 admin fee to do this. How I enjoy these little challenges – not!!! PS: Saw your little car going into theatre for open heart surgery!

S – the quote for ours is just over £1,000 – exactly what you need a week before Chirstmas!!!

Some Rather Large Bills Coming Our Way

Cars Often Expensive And Unreliable Like Men!

Cars Often Expensive And Unreliable
Like Men!

Preamble

S – before posting today’s texts I feel I should explain that Camilla and I have both had “car trouble” this week which has culminated in the prospect of some rather large bills. Camilla and I were cleaning together today as we had the chance to service some flats that have remained unsold for some time. Both our cars are in the garage so we were using an old banger that her garage had lent her. When I got home my Michael was a little pompous and overbearing about the problems with my car and the overly large bill that is coming our way.

16 December 2013

S – have just got home and things are just as we discussed – it is my fault that the head gasket has gone on the Citroen. According to my husband, I do not drive using enough revs and I change into fourth gear too soon! This apparently causes head gaskets to deteriorate. We had rather a loud discussion about this theory and I did point our that I had never, in my 33 years of driving, experienced this problem. Why do men think that they are so much more competent behing the wheel of a car than a woman?

C – I haven no idea. On another note I have changed GP as I am fed up with the “no appointment” system that my old one used. I have had to fill in a form with general information along with a large number of questions about my drinking habits. This question in particular was a little alarming “How often in the last year have you found you were not able to stop drinking once you had started?” – OMG think I might have to be economical with the truth regarding that one.

S – yes, GPs would have us all tea total if they had their way.

Language On Grand Theft Auto Five Is Appalling!

Fuck, fuck and more fuck - is this language necessary on an X-Box game?

Fuck, fuck and more fuck – is this language necessary on an X-Box game?

Preamble

Conrad – have just noticed your earings – we do love that photo!

14 November 2013

C – oh dear “you know who” has decided to call in and see how George is. He can’t speak but never mind. Hope coast is clean by the time I get home, no heating on at home so hopefully nobody will be hanging around. PS: I think I should mention that I am living in fuel poverty and, to boot, all this blogging is playing havoc with my Radio 4 listening.

16 November 2013

C – had to laugh as I passed your cottage. Think you were right about the couple – all downstairs lights off – only upstairs bedroom light on. You will have to snap on the Marigolds and boil the sheets on Monday.

S – I have taken note and will have Marigolds at the ready.

Later …

C – how are stats – need to know even when at a party?

S – have written another post but it needs checking for indiscretions as I have blogged whilst under the influence – have broken golden rule. 47 views, so good. Enjoy party!

C – will check when I get home; thanks for having Phoebe – just texted her and she said Grand Theft Auto Five is the best thing ever 

S – well, I have just gone into Jamie’s room and the language on Grand Theft Auto Five is appalling. When I protested I was told to “settle petal”! I had no idea when I bought it! Am I being an old fart, or does anyone else agree?

17 November 2013

S – guests have just left and comment in book reads – beautiful cottage and amazing bed!!!!!