Eyes Glazed Over And Definitely Past My “Sell By” Date

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

14 January 2015

C – just thinking about lunch, I managed to make a ham roll before leaving the house, but have to be honest and say the roll is a bit past its sell by date, like me, so not over excited about eating it. May have to pop out and find something a bit more delicious to keep me going this afternoon. Any suggestions?

S – M&S always the best. I have dip and raw carrots – very healthy!

C – yum, I fancy some of that will pop down to M&S and see what they have to offer.

S – Michael brought me to work this morning as my car is in the garage – it failed its MOT – needs new headlight and wheel baring – about £200! What fun. Just seem to tip everything I earn into someone else’s pocket!

C – oh bugger it, bloody cars just drain every penny one has. I look around at the people in this office who seem to have lovely clothes, immaculate hair and are constantly holidaying in Shamal Shake (can’t spell it), or similar. I can’t even afford a weekend away, still have not paid this months Council Tax, credit card is maxed out and Toby is swanning around as if we do not have a care in the world!

S – holiday for the two of us in Sharm el Sheikh would be very nice! Still have all afternoon to go in this office – not sure I can stand it – it is also so cold here today!

C – lovely and toasty in my new temperature controlled office. Maybe that is why there is some woman here, the very wrong side of 50, walking around in an extremely short knitted skirt and a see through blouse; what is that all about? She clearly did not look in the mirror this morning. Am feeling out of shape myself. We really need to do some kind of low impact exercise at the gym. All this sitting and eating is just going to continue to pile on the pounds; maybe we could look at Pilates Classes. I know we have talked about this before, and nothing came of it, but we could go straight after work so then we won’t have to go home and come back again. We could change at the gym then take our sweaty bodies home afterwards. What do you think?

S – I think it is a good idea – will look at Leisure Centre website.  This time we need to take it seriously and do something.

C – well, am very bored and my eyes are glazeing over looking at this computer. I feel like running up and down the office screaming blue murder – reminds me of Reggie Perrin on the TV many years ago. Help, am sinking into depression.

With Money At Least One Can Be Unhappy In Style

Some longer boots needed in my office! (Photo by http://www.joy-of-cartoon-pictures.com)

12 January 2015

C – looking around the office I feel it may be necessary to blog about the correct length of ones skirt, should this be dictated by age, height, body weight, shape or all four? What is the case for above the knee or below the knee – definitely some “above the knee” going on here that should not be!!? Oh, and forgot to tell you I sent lady we bought pony from a text just after Christmas – I was trying to get hold of a dressage test that I had sent for but had not arrived in the post. She texted me back saying they were in Switzerland skiing for the New Year, so she was unable to help me. How wonderful would that be to just up and dash off skiing for New Year; so wishing I had money, it can buy you happiness whatever they say.

S – yes I am with you there – all this crap about it not buying you happiness – as far as I am concerned if you have money you can at least me unhappy in style!!

C – how right you are. However, I have had one piece of good news today.  I am entitled to a free eye test which my new job which I have booked in for next Monday, as have not had one for years and I get £55 towards glasses; all good. Just got my pay slip at last and it seems £81 has gone into my pension. Will give them a call today and find out the details of this pension as I don’t want to pay into something I know nothing about.

S – free eye test and money towards glasses – how wonderful!

C – need to make a mental note to myself as I had a complaint from one of the Officers that I was working too fast and bombarding him with files to sign quote – “I never get files back to sign so quickly”. Gosh need to be slower.

S – yes, it makes everyone else look bad if you work too fast.

Later …

C – so bored it is like being in a library with no one to talk to, you must have lots on today or the boss is in, as your e-mails are sparse. All ours are off to a meeting this afternoon so I am hoping to get a bit of a rest from looking busy. Have got to re start putting stuff on that database this afternoon; my mind will be scrambled by home time. How is the cat?

S – no, boss not in but have been busy setting up filing cabinet. Cat fine – just had to have a check up on stitches – how does that work – I came out of hospital after caesarean section with six inches of staples in my stomach and no check up for me – just told to come back in two weeks to have them removed. But … if you are a cat you must have your stitches checked three days after your operation in case of infection!!!!

C – yes, much better treatment for animals and they get put down as, unlike us, they do not have to suffer a long slow demise. Half the office is off sick it would seem. Head of Admin, who has my cough, has been signed off work for two weeks, I missed a trick there, next time I may get myself a sick note.

S – but you do not have that permanent contract yet so no two weeks off sick for you!

Camilla Sporting The Charlie Chaplin Look Today

It is his jacket that is too small – not his trousers!! (Photo by http://www.allposters.com)

6 January 2015

C – how long will you be at work today; we could meet at lunchtime if you are free. You must be exhausted after your busy evening last night and the traffic was hideous when I left work – it took ages to get home.  Who is in your office today, I hope “You Know Who” isn’t in to give you grief?  I have a Back to Work Interview later so need to return to the office by 1300.

S – no he is not in. Lunch sounds good – where shall we meet?  What on earth is a Back to Work Interview?  I had horrible nightmare about the estate agents last night.  I had been sent on a viewing with hardly any directions and I couldn’t find the house.  I also left the office late as I hadn’t been told about the viewing.  What was that all about?

C – OMG such a vivid dream, don’t think I ever have dreams about the estate agents.  God knows what the bloody Back to Work thing is; I just don’t have time for all of that nonsense. I have made the most terrible fashion faux pas today.  I am wearing Phoebe’s school trousers again which are quite short at the ankle and are not looking great with the new shoes; the words Charlie Chaplin spring to mind.  Oh dear, was rushing to get to work and just did not look in the mirror. Will have to stay behind the desk as much as possible.

S – will you stop wearing Phoebe’s old school trousers – they are not a good look.  Yes, definitely stay tucked behind that desk!!

Bees Round A Honey Pot

The photocopier has caused Camilla no end of problems. (Photo by http://www.hrwebcafe.com)

28 November 2014

C – bonjour, I hope your morning is going swimmingly. I have found a new place to park, just of Culliford Road going towards Lancaster Road lots of spaces and not far for me to walk, although I did notice some twitching curtains as I locked the car and walk away, so may end up finding a note on my car window screen. Had to do the horses this morning so had no time for breakfast; only had three rich tea biscuits which are not my favourite at the best of times. The end result is that I could now “eat the crutch out of a low flying pigeon” as our dear friend Ozzy Patrick would say. No cream cakes around and I don’t like to help myself to the biscuits as I makes me look greedy, will try to hold out as is only 1200 ish

S – all very quiet over here. One of my colleagues, who shall remain nameless, should have been on annual leave but cancelled it. He is in annoying me, I have plenty of annoyance at home do not need any here. Was looking forward to a nice quiet day. I hope he invents some appointments to go to!

C – poor you. I have officially started my lunch as is nearly 1230; will have to slip out for a sticky bun to keep me going through the afternoon. Phoebe has a hockey match after school so will be working till 5.00 ish. At least it is warm in the office; was freezing in the flat when I got home ‘cos we don’t have heating on in the day time. It’s called fuel poverty!

S – 1200 ish is lunch time in my books – that is why I am always so hungry when I get home.

C – just been to the photocopier and the new girl, who is very slim and pretty, was having a spot of bother. She had not adjusted the quantity she wanted to print on her computer and paper was spewing out of the machine at a rate of knots. I told her to go back to her computer and terminate the print job. She was not sure how to do this and, before you could blink, she had half the males in the office buzzing round her computer trying to help. I suppose that is what happens when you are young and pretty. No one offered to help me when I had the same problem but I guess I am well and truly past my “sell by date”!!! Have had dramas with George – it is a long story so will tell you later.

S – a drama with George – I think that is overdue – things have been very quiet in that area for some time.

Too Much Tea!

They fit perfectly!

20 November 2014

C – finally settling into office life. I managed to prepare myself a healthy tuna salad which is sitting in the fridge; I have some light French dressing and Ryveta biscuits and yogurt. In addition, with my wages I have purchased some expensive No 7 Protect and Perfect cream which I have sitting on my desk. I will be moisturising regularly; it’s my new skin care regime. Am hoping to see some results within the week.

S – my oh my – you are really settling in – healthy salad, Ryveta and No 7 Protect and Perfect – would it not be better to keep it at home for application prior to arrival at work?

C – no, because my skin is very dry and sore; think it is probably a side effect of excessive alcohol consumption. I feel I have to apply the cream several times a day for fear of eyelids breaking down completely.

S – oh, poor you – did you ever get a referral for that – you need to see a consultant?

C – not a chance – I tried to get a referral but the GP would not give me one. Talking about drinking, they drink so much tea in this office. I have just made yet another trip to the ladies room; I have been up and down like a fiddlers elbow. I then discovered I have been flying low; do hope nobody has noticed but it is hardly surprising the number of times I have been since 8 o’clock this morning – tea is going through me like a dose of salts. Thank God I had that bladder surgery or I would never have made the trip from my desk to the loo; and if anyone had engaged me in conversation or made me laugh (not that I can imagine such a thing here) I would have been gusset awash! So glad that, that little problem is a thing of the past, however, I did forget to ask how long it would last – don’t know if it wears out!!

S – would definitely have been gusset awash. Excessive tea drinking is an occupational hazard in offices. When I get home I can sometimes feel it sloshing around in my stomach I have drunk so much.

Later …

C – just back from scout around the shops, they have some lovely cardigans in the Laura Ashley sale; a pretty green one that is my size down to £32.00 – thinking I may splash out. I am currently wearing Phoebe’s old school trousers to work. They fit me perfectly and she always wears a skirt. I got them for £10.00 in Sainsbury’s last September and I think she has only worn them once. I have got to the bottom of my basket; no more to do and its only 2 o’clock, which means I will have to do those 1790 files that need sorting and moving – yuk, yuk, yuk!

S – Camilla, school trousers to work – you need to get a couple of pairs from TK Maxx or Next – cheaper than Laura Ashley. You can’t continue wearing Sainsbury’s school trousers.

C – who says so – needs must!

No Fancy Sprancy Taps For Me

The cause of Camilla’s cold cuppa soup! (Photo by http://www.tlc-direct.co.uk)

13 November 2014

C – was in trouble this morning when I got to the office; I had left my ID card in the bedroom, so was unable to access the building. Note to self; maybe I should put on my flexi sheet the time I arrived at the door and was unable to gain access, as I was on the premises. So I will be unable to leave my desk all day, no hope of accessing the post room. Hell’s teeth how I look forward to that little diversion in my day. Maybe I could have a word with admin boss to see if she has a spare ID card in her desk. This must happen to other people can’t just be me!!!

S – you have to put that card in a pocket in your bag and never put it anywhere else, otherwise this will happen. I did forget mine once when I changed over to my “summer handbag” but that won’t be an issue for you with your one and only handbag!!!!!!

C – “summer handbag” indeed – as you say, I only have the one. However, ID card issue is now sorted as I have been given a Visitors one. I successfully accessed the post room (albeit on my second attempt) only to find there was no post in the “Housing” pigeon hole. Head now in hands as I have nothing to open, stamp and distribute which usually takes me up to 40 minutes, if I read all correspondence thoroughly. So, back at desk shuffling papers. I have been wondering if I could retrain as an Environmental Health Officer; they seem to have it pretty chushty and get out and about all the time. Suppose I would need to get a degree and am crap at maths. Don’t know if I could convert my Professional Housing Diploma; will do some research.

S – Environmental Health Officer would have been a great job for me. I would love to visit restaurants, etc and point out their deficiencies in the cleaning department – I was made for that job!

C – yes you were, there is only so much one can stand staring at this bloody computer screen. Have got reserve glasses today and they are not cutting the mustard like my others; they must be a lower resolution and are just not sharp enough, if you get my drift. Have you eaten lunch yet!! Am starving and seriously considering cuppa soup and my cheese and salad wrap – yum. Just been given the good news that I have been paid my wages, the bad news is that it is not enough, still can’t complain.

S – not yet, I have an Uncle Ben’s Medium Curry Rice Time (half price in Iceland) – only drawback is that I have to go down to the café in the basement to heat it up – they don’t trust us to have microwaves on the office floors.

C – yum sounds delicious, another reason to move jobs, we have microwave, dishwasher “Zip Tap”, automatic windows and all sorts of added extras here. However, my posh new chair suddenly decided to slide downwards and I found myself looking like Mr Bean with my chin on the desk. Everyone has left the office for lunch, so I will swap it with someone else’s and try not to LOL when it happens to them. So wanted to laugh but had no one to share the moment with! I also had an unfortunate incident with the Zip Tap and my cuppa soup. I was filling it with hot water and some how I managed to touch the cold water, which comes from the same tap, and it filled my soup with cold water; what a bugger.

S – I have nice hot past mug shot – that is what happens when you have the fancy sprancy taps!

I Only Put “Lingerie” In The Search Box!!!

Camilla and I never have this problem! (Photo by http://www.kitchendaily.com)

4 August 2014

C – just at second clean. I am dusting the bottles of wine on the rack. Can you imagine having bottles of wine in your house so long that they gather dust?

S – no I can’t. I never have dusty wine in my house.

C – lady of the house has a bra and knickers that she paid £80 for (on the bed with lables still attached) – they are double income no kids so I suppose they have little else to do with their money.

S – £80 on a bra and knickers would be nice but then again Michael might get fruity and we dont want that!

C – you don’t want any fruityness in this heat!! I am off to mother-in-laws after cleans as she has had a fall and can’t be left alone. She has a badly bruised and cut face and I think her finger is broken but she refuses to go to hospital. Toby is with her at the moment but he needs to do the stock. Have had Patrick on the phone blubbing, as he is dreading Geroge coming back to the UK. He thinks it will be years before he sees him (and us) again and can’t cope with the thought!!

S – poor Patrick, he will be a mess when George gets on that plane! Sorry I can’t help with Toby’s mother but I am at office doing extra hours, again!! Had the day from hell at estate agents on Saturday with two “touting” rounds shoving cards in letter boxes! And, the punters managed to hit the steps outside the cottage with their car and completely dislodge them, so Michael had to spend Friday afternoon doing repairs in this heat.

C – well, my lot that are in at the moment seen to have broken the brand new Bosch diswasher – have had to call in the suppliers to look at it!!!

Later …

S – have just been looking for a lingerie photo for the post and managed to bring up snaps of people having sex – not what I need when I am at work and someone is standing behind me at the photocopier!! Think I will have to make do with photo of dusty wine bottle.

C – you need to choose your search words more carefully.

S – I only put “lingerie” in the search box!!!

Thank Goodness; All Contacts Are Still There

Apparently I am not as smart as the phone!

23 June 2014

S – all quiet at work. Just going to have a go at using the Blackberry my daughter has given me now that she has her coveted iPhone 5S. No idea how to use it so watch out for some dodgy texts or a possible break in transmission!

C – ok – you could Google some instructions. God it is so hot I think I am going to melt. Just had a call from estate agents asking me to work tomorrow – some launch of new builds. Of course I said yes as I need the money but could do without it. Who has a launch on a Tuesday – surely Saturday is a better day? Still makes a change from charring suppose.

S – ok – I now have a “Smart Phone” but I am clearly not “smart” myself as I seem to have wiped off all my contacts – good job I know your mobile number off by heart.

Later …

S – now have SIM back in old phone (all contacts are still there, thank goodness) and I have reapplied the selotape to keep the back on. Think it will be safer to persuade one of my children to show me how to use the Blackberry when I get home.

C – at least all contacts are still there. I have just seen two rather large ladies in maxi dresses heading to the garden centre for lunch – lucky things. However, think their money would be better spent on purchasing a mirror – very beastly of me but true.

We Would Not Be Without Them

Here it is!

11 June 2014

C – it is Friday and I am at the clean where I always get a message. Today’s one included a very long list of jobs. There are not enough hours in the day, especially when I only get paid for two of them. Think I must leave a reply to this note.

S – leaving your own note may be a good idea. I am stuck in office on this lovely day but it is fairly quiet.

C – just taken photograph of her fully restocked wine rack. One bottle looks very good, it is called “The Full Fifteen” as it is 15% volume – a bit like the “Full Monty” – Oh I think I just invented a brillant new name for a bottle of wine, even if I do say so myself – would be rather good I think.

Later …

C – just at second clean and this lady has another new Boden dress hanging behind the door – that is what happens when you do not have children.

S – ah well, we would not be without them, and that’s a fact!

Bottom Cheeks Will Remain Firmly Under Wraps!

Ours do not look like this, unfortunately!

21 May 2014

C – just driven to first clean – can you believe it – we have a spot of sunshine and the world and his wife are out in force in their summer clothes. It is sunny but not that warm. There were bottom cheeks on display everywhere; some of them were very unattractive. What is this fad for wearing shorts that do not even cover your bottom?

S – yes, saw a few of those the other day when the sun was out. I suppose if one is very young and bottom cheeks are very firm it is not quite so bad, but I fear there are those out there wearing these shorts who do not own a mirror!

C – well, my bottom cheeks will remain firmly under wraps, along with my very white legs and knobbly knees, I can tell you.

Later …

S – just finished second clean of the day. The lady gave me a small glass of Split Rock to try. It is a Sauvignon Blanc – not my usual tipple but I take my wine tasting very seriously and can drink anything if needs be – remember the desert wine incident? It was very good – may need to review it on blog if I can get hold of a bottle for you to taste.