Eyes Glazed Over And Definitely Past My “Sell By” Date

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

14 January 2015

C – just thinking about lunch, I managed to make a ham roll before leaving the house, but have to be honest and say the roll is a bit past its sell by date, like me, so not over excited about eating it. May have to pop out and find something a bit more delicious to keep me going this afternoon. Any suggestions?

S – M&S always the best. I have dip and raw carrots – very healthy!

C – yum, I fancy some of that will pop down to M&S and see what they have to offer.

S – Michael brought me to work this morning as my car is in the garage – it failed its MOT – needs new headlight and wheel baring – about £200! What fun. Just seem to tip everything I earn into someone else’s pocket!

C – oh bugger it, bloody cars just drain every penny one has. I look around at the people in this office who seem to have lovely clothes, immaculate hair and are constantly holidaying in Shamal Shake (can’t spell it), or similar. I can’t even afford a weekend away, still have not paid this months Council Tax, credit card is maxed out and Toby is swanning around as if we do not have a care in the world!

S – holiday for the two of us in Sharm el Sheikh would be very nice! Still have all afternoon to go in this office – not sure I can stand it – it is also so cold here today!

C – lovely and toasty in my new temperature controlled office. Maybe that is why there is some woman here, the very wrong side of 50, walking around in an extremely short knitted skirt and a see through blouse; what is that all about? She clearly did not look in the mirror this morning. Am feeling out of shape myself. We really need to do some kind of low impact exercise at the gym. All this sitting and eating is just going to continue to pile on the pounds; maybe we could look at Pilates Classes. I know we have talked about this before, and nothing came of it, but we could go straight after work so then we won’t have to go home and come back again. We could change at the gym then take our sweaty bodies home afterwards. What do you think?

S – I think it is a good idea – will look at Leisure Centre website.  This time we need to take it seriously and do something.

C – well, am very bored and my eyes are glazeing over looking at this computer. I feel like running up and down the office screaming blue murder – reminds me of Reggie Perrin on the TV many years ago. Help, am sinking into depression.

Home From Home For George

Pest Control needed - home from home for George!  (Photo by www.gpservicespestcontrol.co.uk)

Pest Control needed already – home from home for George! (Photo by http://www.gpservicespestcontrol.co.uk)

24 September 2014

S – am doing extra hours at other office. Skinny Nicole and Julie are planning an 81 mile cycle ride while we are planning a night out and anticipating the consumption of lots of wine!

C – bloody hell, 81 miles would kill me – are they mad? Have they given up running for cycling?

S – yes, as Julie has sciatica. Cycling is better than running – she has an exercise addiction in the same way that we have a wine addiction.

C – exercise addiction could be the better one to have, I fear. I have just had an e-mail from the letting agents for George’s flat – they are sending round the Pest Control Officer to deal with the rat problem and wasps nest. Bloody hell £2,000 per month for a four bedroomed house and it has rats!!! However, George did say it was home from home for him, as we seem to be continually battling mice at ours!

With A Very Stout Rope And A Grappling Iron!

Always best to tell it how it is!

Always best to tell it how it is!

24 June 2014

S – what is your day at estate agents looking like. I have all the dross – no good viewings at all.

C – pretty crap although better than my ususal cleaning job I fancy. I have got to be in new flats for two hours this afternoon and no one will turn up. However, it means I will get my bottom cheeks on that sofa and maybe get some shut eye for an hour. Then I have a viewing on Portland late afternoon!!!

S – at least you have the new flats. I am stuck here all day with Mr and Mrs Bicker – thank goodness no arguing yet but it is early.

C – just arrived at new flats – not a sniff of a punter so am about to settle bottom cheeks on sofa and read the paper from cover to cover. 🙂

S – lucky you – I am on my own in the office while the others are off at smart viewings.

C – good news in the paper – apparently standing up for three hours a day is as good for you as running ten marathons per year and could extend your life by two years; claims an experts. He says “It will improve your health, reduce the risk of heart disease, diabetes and cancer. It will reduce cholesterol and make you thinner” – yippee – so get standing it is good exercise! They do write some rubbish in the papers. PS: this sofa is extremely comfortable.

S – I am sure it is. I will be out all afternoon as I have viewings at Puddletown and Cheselbourne. Michael took the children and some friends to Stonehenge on 21 June to see the Summer Solstice. There were 30,000 people there apparently – a good time was had by all.

C – how exciting – good old Michael. I wish I was going to Cheselbourne as I could pop in on my friend Sue who lives there – she has a pool – I could have had a quick dip between viewings. All I have to look forward to is Portland! I do have one consolation, however, as I have just popped into a café and purchased a Purbeck ice cream – no cafés or ice cream parlours in Cheselbourne!

S – no there are not and it is extremely hot here – no sea breeze to cool me. I have just been inspecting my bingo arms whilst waiting for the next viewers. My God they are bad – think I need surgery.

Later …

C – I had a hideous time on Portland. Firstly, even with the directions on the brochure, I could not find the property and ended up following the people who were viewing (instead of them following me) as they had a sat nav – how embarrassing. Upon arriving at the property I could not get in. Had to ring the office and was told that the keys I had were for the side door. Finally got in and did viewing. The very nice clients then asked me how you get to the beaches on Portland, to which I replied “with a very stout rope and a grappling iron”. I find it impossible to be economical with the truth – you have to just tell it how it is!!! Fortunately, they were amused. After a long, hot, sticky day I arrived home to find that Toby had lost the new dog – argghhh!!!

S – oh dear – hope you find her soon. You definitely did the right thing telling cients about Portland beaches – people appreciate being told the truth instead of a lot of guff!

I Could Hear Scratching Again In The Roof!

These are the only mice I want in my house!

These are the only mice I want in my house!

19 June 2014

C – great start to the day – the lock on the back door has broken and Toby is nowhere to be seen so I will have to sort it out.

Later …

C – now on my way to first clean – they have just returned from France so no doubt I will get the usual nonsense and speaking in French when I arrive. She is rather a name dropper and wants to be seen as very important all the time – I find it most needy.

S – poor you; try and get done and dusted as quickly as you can.

C – thank goodness, they have just gone out to pick up cat from cattery and go to Tesco, so finally some peace!

S – you need to get out before they are back. Did Phoebe go to school today? Sophie is much better now that she has completed her course of steroids. Most peculiar – could really do with finding out what crop it was that caused the problem.

C – yes, she seems to have recovered some what – thank goodness. She has a drama exam today – think we should do ok in that one!

S – as usual piles of goodies in this office. Just stuffing a large slice of caramel shortbread – I have no will power at all.

C – yummy, who needs will power at our age – it is surplus to requirements. Drank too much last night – found myself justifying it as I could hear scratching again in the roof. Luckily I consumed my quota of wine (and yours) and was able to slip into unconsciousness very quickly and slept like a log until 0500 when I was wide awake with a banging headache. I could then not get back to sleep due to all the scratching going on overhead – must phone the council.

S – bloody vermin – get the Pest Control Officer in asap – you can’t be running alive again.

C – I bet our friend in the office, Julie, is not tucking into anything fattening.

S – no she is not and she is as skinny as ever. She is even cycling to work now that the weather is better – we couldn’t even make it to spinning classes – what happended to that resolution?

Do Not Disturb – At Our Age We Need Our Beauty Sleep

Not What We Had In Mind!

Not What We Had In Mind! (Photo by Nevit Dilmen)

25 March 2014

S – I had time to glance at The Times on Sunday and happened to read a column about the Skinny Bitch Fitness Regime, or Skinny Bitch Collective (SBC). The list of rules was as follows:

Eat – healthy proteins, fat and fibrous carbohydrates such as quinoa and sweet potato – don’t touch rice or grains.

Sleep – aim for seven hours unbroken sleep in a pitch-black room. Avoid TV and phones before bedtime.

Sex – as much as possible. The more you have, the more you are going to feel great. It boosts your body and skin.

Relationships – if there is a negative person in your life do your best to help them – and, if that does not work, cut them out.

Exercise – uber-primal: running, jumping, crawling, squatting. Train three times with my method and then to one yoga or more holistic session. Sunday sprints – uphill – are also a big thing for us.

Camilla’s comments on the above were:

Eat – what the hell is quinoa?

Sleep – what should you do before bedtime if you do not watch TV.

Sex – when are you supposed to be having this sex if you are getting seven hours unbroken sleep a night. Our aim would be to slide seamlessly from the shower into our freshly laundered sheets hanging up a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. Perhaps it is what one is supposed to be doing before going to bed, rather than watching TV.

Relationships – don’t let Toby and Michael see that one, they might be cutting us out.

Exercise – Camilla is getting quite enough “uphill sprinting” chasing those sheep – Toby always seems to get the quad bike!

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Spinning only postponed, not cancelled!!

Spinning only postponed, not cancelled!! (Photo by Larixinhah)

15 February 2014

C – what a night and I am not talking Valentines escapades. Felt like I was awake off and on the whole time with the storm ringing in my ears (unusually, it was not Toby who was creating the wind).

S – I know, it has been awful here, we have been trapped in the village due to flooding and the electric went off at 10.00 yesterday evening, so was forced to have an early night!!!

C – did you hear the roof has been blown off the new leisure centre, so Spinning will definitely be cancelled on Monday. Every cloud has a silver lining; was dreading the whole Spinning thing anyway.

S – it’s not cancelled, just postponed, we are going to stand firm and give it a go.