Any More Trouble And I Will Be Getting Out The Mint Sauce!

Butter wouldn't melt in their mouths!

Butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths!

9 February 2014

C – have finally had a short text from George; he is trekking in the jungle in Chiang Mai – I have Googled it and it looks amazing.

S – have looked myself and certainly think it will be fun – good job you paid for all those jabs and packed him off with those water purifying tablets.

C – yes, can’t imagine you can buy bottled water in the jungle.

Later Telephone Call …

C – have just had two hours from hell. Yesterday, one of Toby’s sheep was not looking at all well. He moved the flock to a fresh field (yet more rent to pay) but gave the poorly one an injection, and left it alone in the original pasture to recover. On his return, it had made a remarkable recovery and was springing around the field like a Thomson’s Gazelle. Toby asked me to help him load it in the trailer and there began our problems.

I was despatched as “sheep dog” to search for the errant animal, as the ground was too boggy for the truck. I spotted it on the horizon, resting easy (I swear if it had, had fingers it would have been doing the V’s up). Upon my approach it took off yet again through and over fences with grace and ease (unlike me) and ended up on the track in front of Toby who had no chance of catching it. We followed it in the truck for about half a mile until we came to the farm yard. At this point we congratulated ourselves that we now had it cornered. How wrong could we be? After a couple of circuits dodging in and out of doorways and abandoned machinery it gave us the slip and headed for the main road. At this point Toby was remonstrating that he wished it had not recovered from it’s earlier near fatal ailment. Bold as brass it trotted down the Main A352, Dorchester to Broadmayne road with gay abandon, avoiding several unsuspecting motorists on the way back from Church!! As the escapee was now well out of our control, and vision, Toby tipped me out of the truck to continue pursuit on foot (thank God for that long awaited surgery). He retraced our steps to close all the gates we had left open.

I was now running towards The Black Dog at Broadmayne expecting the worst but there was no sign of “Lamb Chop”! I scanned gardens left and right for any movement and there it was, large as life, standing next to a brand new, navy blue Jaguar parked in someone’s drive. I shut the gates to the drive and phoned Toby and, for once, he actually answered it! After a few choice expletives I gave him my exact location and told him to move his arse! A plan of action was formulated which included making contact with the house owner before giving chase in the back garden, which happened to be awash with children’s out door toys, including a large trampoline. We, fortunately, failed to raise anyone and Toby spotted the opportunity to corral the sheep down a narrow passage at the side of the house. Yet again, I was sheep dog and finally this plan worked a treat. We both managed to get one side of this animal each and man handled it through the jockey door of the trailer. I have taken a photograph of it on my phone and if it causes any more trouble it will be lamb chops before it can blink!!!

We let it out into the field and it was delighted to see all its friends and took off yet again. I mentioned to Toby that whatever he had given it in that syringe I WANT SOME!! I wonder if it has any weight loss benefits? So, if anyone asks you to move a lone sheep say that you would “rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick”.

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There May Be Trouble Ahead

I  have made sure George has taken some Imodium Plus with him!

I have made sure George has taken some Imodium Plus with him! (Photo by Steve Knight)

2 February 2014

S – what news of the traveller?

C – I had a Facebook message yesterday from George – it said “arrived in Bangkok”. That was it, no pleasantries bless him. Just reading the BCC News Headlines “British tourists in Bangkok warned to stay indoors on Election Day”. Bloody typical – I hope he gets on a bus quickly out of there.

S – just happened to be surfing the net myself and found the following UK Foreign Office advice – try not to be alarmed:

“There is a high threat from terrorism. Bomb and grenade attacks have been indiscriminate, including in places visited by expatriates and foreign travellers. You should remain vigilant and keep abreast of local security advice and media reports”.

C – fat chance of not being alarmed, with George’s knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time – watch this space.

S – can’t wrap him up in cotton wool – that poor woman at Burton Bradstock was only standing under the cliffs and look what happened to her. When your number is up it is up!

C – I have put the Dorset Evening Echo photo of him playing rugby in a frame in case I forget what he looks like. However, I will not miss that filthy rugby kit or all the wet towels hanging around the house! There is, of course, one other advantage to George’s absence – I am able to banish Toby to his room when the snoring becomes so bad he is in danger of being smothered!! Does anyone have a cure, other than divorce, for this irritating male habit?

It’s Been A Pig Of A Day

Feeling like a pig in shit

It’s been a pig of a day!

1 February 2014

C – can’t believe how fast the morning came around, feel like my eyes have not been closed for longer than five minutes. The alarm went off at six, Toby is taking the cows off to market today. I just hope the price is good and that he does not have to bring them home, after all the work moving them and TB testing them twice and then transporting them (not to mention the rent for the land). At work, have got three viewings on the cards this morning, so feet not touched the ground. Every time I put my nose outside the door its pissing down and blowing a hurricane. What is going on with the weather, bloody global warming it’s just not on.

Later …

C – it is manic in the office – six viewings this afternoon, so am on the road in the wind and rain again, joyful – this working for a living is a mugs game, not even time for lunch.

C – you are not responding to my text messages from the edge where are you? More importantly have you lost your phone. I am in need of some texting support!!!

S – sorry, phone still on silent after funeral I had to go to yesterday. Have been carting children around all day and now have eight to feed this evening, as Jamie has friends over. It’s like a cafeteria in this house. Hope George arrived safely in Thailand – news from that part of the world not good!

Much Later …

C – he has texted to say be arrived safely but it is typical that the minute he steps foot on Thai soil the country erupts into violence. I will text you tomorrow, just wanted to share this picture with you which a friend sent me.

The Odds Are Not In His Favour

I want those boots!

I want those boots!

Preamble

S – Camilla is in a state of high excitement and anxiety as George is off on his gap year travels. He departs tomorrow for Thailand and will then be visiting Vietnam, Cambodia, New Zealand and finishing in Australia spending time with Auzzie Patrick. He will be gone for at least six months.

Now this sounds like a great trip but George has a tremendous capacity for getting into trouble. He has a job to go to in New Zealand, so should be fine there. However, we had a small family party for him last Sunday and there was much banter about the chances of him being arrested at some point during his journey! It was generally felt that the odds were not in his favour.

30 January 2014

C – I have boot envy – I was walking through Goulds and tried on some fantastic brown leather boots. They fitted like a glove but were £200. 😦 We need to get published now!!! I must have those boots at any cost as I have a matching handbag at home. If things don’t look up I may be forced to take matters into my own hands.

S – not sure I like the sound of that, what did you have in mind?

C – am working on a plan which will involve you. I want those boots and it’s not like me to be obsessive about material things.

S – I am at work and my morning was quite peaceful until my concerns about how you are planning to obtain those boots. Even worse, my boss has left me some work and I thought I would have nothing to do today. I am all alone in the office and was going to get on with some blogging – don’t have time for this work malarkey.

C – how thoughtless of her to leave you work – anyone would think you were getting paid. Have had another drama – will text later as pressure is on.

S – can you fill me in on drama, as all work done and can get on with blogging at last.

C – I went to the wrong house to clean as I have been very distracted with George’s imminent departure from the UK. The people I should have been with rang so I had to leave where I was and go to them, luckily they live next door. I felt like a fool – not sure where my brain has gone or if I still have one!

S – very silly – has George left Dorset yet?

C – not yet – he goes this afternoon but I am not letting him leave until he cleans that hideous car out, as I refuse to do it. His friend Jason is driving him up to his old school friend in London, and he will catch the plane tomorrow evening.

C – just heard on the radio that, due to trouble now brewing in Thailand (not caused by George), flights could be cancelled. Something else to stress about, typical. I have suggested phoning the airport to check flight details. Meanwhile, I have Pheobe stressing and texting from school because she has not said goodbye to her brother. They can be in the same house together for two days and not exchange any pleasantries and suddenly her life depends on saying goodbye to him. Will he even be flying, I wonder?