What Is Ozzi Patrick Thinking?

George does not need leading astray!  (Photo by henedinburgh.com)

George does not need leading astray! (Photo by henedinburgh.com)

10 July 2014

S – how is your day going at Hartpury?

C – good – great watching such high class dressage and now waiting for prize giving. On the down side, the back of my neck is burnt and I have been sitting on a plank of wood for several hours so bottom cheeks are numb. Looking forward to supper out and not having to cook. Am wishing I had secreted some wine in my luggage.

Later …

C – now sitting in a pub with some amazing views having a lovely supper – it is at times like these that I realise the pleasures that money would bring!

11 July 2014

C – did not sleep well in student accommodation. When I arrived home the hall and stairs smelt like a dog kennel because Toby had been at the sailing club since I left. I pointed out that the third dog was surplus to requirements and that he had brought it into the house, so he should be cleaning up the mess! Now have large glass of wine in my hand so feeling a little better.

S – yes, she is such a lovely little dog but with two of them already you did not really need a third and to start all that puppy training again!

14 July 2014

C – another blisteringly hot day and I will be sweating like a pig cleaning that holiday home. Only two of us will be doing it (instead of the usual four) due to holidays. Waiting for the bus – it always sails past on a Monday morning; then I have to follow it to school ranting all the way. Skyped Patrick last night and got him out of bed. He and George are having a great time and apparently George is off to a lap dancing club later in the week – I want to kill Patrick for that one.

S – have had quite a lot to do today in the office so have only just read your text. Is Patrick going to the club as well?

C – No, apparently.

S – oh dear, I think George does not need leading astray – he is quite capable of going astray on his own – what is Patrick thinking anyway – he has obviously been watching too many episodes of Friends?


Who Is This Guy Will Power Anyway?

Do I need to know?

Do I need to know?

30 June 2014

C – have been invited to the in-laws for a BBQ so have decided to eat, drink, sit and be merry.

S – what a good idea and you won’t have to cook – could not be better. I, on the other hand, am slaving over a hot stove and have already opened the wine – as usual no will power.

C – who is this guy Will Power – I don’t know him?

S – I don’t know him either.

C – just on third glass of wine. Why do people drink so slowly, and why is my glass always the first one to be empty?

S – it is because we enjoy the grape so much and people never pour wine quickly enough.

1 July 2014

C – OMG just at usual clean. They are off to France for a month and I have just had a blow by blow account of their imminent journey. I have been through each village along with a full history of each stopping point. All I care about is that I will loose a month’s money. The lucky cattery owner will have one month’s full board for “pussy”.

S – damn, you need the money – maybe we could fit a couple of those contract cleans in to top up funds. My texts may be gibberish as I have new Blackberry phone – one that has been cast aside by Sophie.

C – don’t worry about gibberish – I spend my life, it would seem, listening to gibberish; nidding and nodding. Under pressure today as I have an appointment at 2.00pm, so need to get done. Toby taking sheep to Salisbury Market. I asked him if he was organised to which he replied “Oh yes”, as if it was a very stupid question. I got a call just as I was delivering Phoebe to the bus to say he had forgotten the ear tags, so could I deliver them to the field. I wanted to say no but, dutiful spouse that I am, I returned home. I found the ear tags but couldn’t find the key to the quad bike. Eventually I tracked it down only to find that the quad bike would not start because the battery was flat. I then had to walk miles to deliver the ear tags and am fuming as I am now very late for work.

S – what a kerfuffle and all before 9.00am. Think you should start charging Toby for your time. Can’t find delete button on this damn Blackberry so texts could be a bit dodgy.

C – are you busy in the office? I am at second clean. The poor old girl has dementia and tells me the same thing each week – please shoot me if I get that bad.

S – ok. Will be busy in a minute stuffing envelopes – what fun.

C – just reading the TV Times and that Fiona Bruce looks amazing and is talking about the joys of being 50. I am sure it is joyous when you are thin and rich.

S – yes, she is both of those things in abundance.

C – just had a hideous thought – having been in France for a month they may invite me to view holiday snaps – what is “No Way” in French?

S – I am not sure – will look it up for you. This phone is so much better than my old one. I feel so up-do-date with my second hand Blackberry. My kids would call me sad but I don’t care.

Not Serious Enough, Evidently!

We will not be needing Michael - not drinking with those two again!

We will not be needing Michael – not drinking with those two again!

26 June 2014

C – it is Kitty’s birthday take away this evening (sorry, forgot to let you know) – can you make it and do you think Michael could taxi for us?

S – yes, I will be there. I will pick you up as I fear I may die if I drink with Helena and Kitty again – do you remember last time; I certainly do! Those two are way out of my league!

C – we will not be drinking too much because we have to work the next day.

S – I have heard that one before.

C – yes, I said that to Helena and Kitty. And when do you see me taking a day off to lay around the house anyway? However, still think I will manage a glass or two. Am at usual clean and, thank goodness, the trip to France has been forgotten but have just noticed that the husband is on a list of WI speakers. Apparently you have to audition!!! His talk is entitled “The discovery of France – The Past Which Sticks Around”. I can feel myself yawning already!! Me, being mean again! I am really fed up with the rolls of fat that are being revealed due to the hot weather. Debbie has lost two stone and looks amazing – Slimming World and no alcohol!!

S – following inspection of my bingo arms the other day whilst waiting for some clients at a viewing, I think I really do need to get into shape. I have even threatened to cycle to Weymouth with Julie.

C – are you mad – you will end up in Accident and Emergency! Lets face it, after the Spinning fiasco – or lack of Spinning fiasco – how serious are we about this exercise lark?

S – not serious enough, evidently!

Later …

C – damn, at second clean and woman is at home today – she decided to take a couple of days off. I was hoping to be in and out, but no chance now as she has some extra jobs for me. She is moaning that her husband is abroad working all the time – I wish he could take my husband with him to give me a break!

Long And Slow, Like A Cold Beer


Long and Slow (Photo by Afonso Lima)

Long and Slow (Photo by Afonso Lima)

1 June 2014

C – just at House of Health and Beauty with Phoebe – she is having her eyebrows done. Some woman in waiting room looks like the back end of a bus in leggings and t-shirt. She got up to go for treatment with her t-shirt up over her bottom and she has a wedge!

2 June 2014

S – How goes it at estate agents?

C – long and slow like a cold beer which is what I could do with now. Feathers have been ruffled in your office by the new PA I understand.

S – yes, I have heard the same.

C – I am at the sea front, feel like crap as I drank too much last night – why do I do that whenever I go out? I have no self control. Flat out with viewings all day – hell’s teeth. I hear there is trouble at your end already.

S – yes, big row between Laura and Phillip. I only have two viewings – others are keeping expensive properties for themselves and giving me crap ones. I want to come to your office.

C – that is rubbish, I would be fuming. What was the row about?

S – did you go anywhere nice last night? Row was about nothing really; Laura was fussing about the fact that a staff member turned up at our office instead of the Purbeck one and Phillip hit the roof as he had not yet had his Costa Coffee and it was only 8.29am! I want to come to your office.

C – La Caverna, yes it was very good and we managed not to row which was amazing. Think the other lady will retire soon so hopefully not long now. We are having KFC for lunch, yippee.

S – well done not rowing, were you alone or was it the company that stopped the rowing. PS: I have been told by “she of the beige stilettos” that my footwear is not appropriate. Hells teeth as you would say.

C – no, just two of us. Just at viewing at smart £800,000 flat but apparently viewers are time wasters who look at houses for a hobby but never buy. I have a viewing this afternoon with some woman who has won the lottery – lucky cow.

S – So you are trusted with the expensive ones, unlike me.

C – what difference does your footwear make – wait until she is middle aged. Am now at open afternoon at flats with my feet up on my sofa. Apparently, they are happy to sell me the sofas when all flats are sold – great!

S – can you ask about the blue sofa in the other apartment, that one has my name on it.

C – ok, but the penthouse flats have still not been sold, so could be a while.

S – no problem, as I am not in a hurry.

C – damn – viewing with lottery winner has been cancelled – just my luck.

S – just wait till we win the lottery; we will be on our gin palace sipping vino being waited on hand, foot and finger but some eye candy – none of that leaning over the edge and sailing nonsense.

C – talking about leaning over the edge, I have just pulled in at Osmington Mills and, upon glancing out to sea, I spotted my husband in his sailing boat – how the other half live – it can’t be right!!

S – no, not right. I have just had another wasted viewing. I wish staff would ask more questions and truly find out what viewers want so we do not take people to houses they will never want to buy.

C – just had Patrick on the phone and George has done his first night washing up in the restaurant – he now has dish-pan, hands which is a first!

3 June 2014

C – just heading out of the door – infection in my leg is agony but, as per usual, I have to go as I need the money.

S – let me know if I can do anything.

C – got to second clean and they are having a new boiler fitted so am going home, thank goodness – leg has swollen visibly and is very painful.

S – just at doctor’s myself and spotted someone in the waiting room who I do not want to engage with so have decided to hide in the lavatory; if anyone tries the door I will cough loudly and stumble out with magazine in front of my face.

C – bloody hell, just seen the Echo and Dukes sold a miniature vase for £45,000 – why can’t that happen to us?

S- bloody typical. I am at hospital waiting to see consultant for my Temporomandibular joint disorder; am sure it will be a waste of time and that nothing will come of it, as I am not exactly a priority.

At First You Are At It All The Time!

We have to be routinely checked for anthrax, apparently!

We have to be routinely checked for cause of death

22 April 2014

C – excellent, school bus has gone past Phoebe, not a good start to the summer term. Will have to battle into Dorchester.

C – The Broadmayne and West Knighton buses did not arrive at all so those kids will be getting a day off, as most parents have gone to work already. Toby had a terrible night – he has had no sleep as we had several dead ewes and lambs. I am doing extra work today for a friend at the holiday cottages she cleans, as she has been let down. I am worried about George as not a peep on his phone or Facebook.

S – I am sure George is ok – he has always been bad at keeping in touch. Do you need help with the cottages as I am free today.

C – we will be fine as the cottages are very small. Oh, and to top it all off one of the calves has died so that is £150 down the drain and the vet will have to come out to decide why it died so more expense.

S – oh dear, I hope all the other ones are ok. Do you have to have the vet to decide cause of death?

C – it seems we do as the Ministry of Agriculture have to check to see what the cause of death was – it is a legal requirement – I suppose it is for the best in view of the issues with swine flu in the past. By the way our IT guru, Rich Baby, thinks our blog needs to be more salacious. He has noticed that we are not blogging every day and I said blogging is a bit like a new relationship; at first you are at it all the time but as time goes by it becomes less and less. I am reminded that we once blogged three times in one day – does anyone have any tips on how to keep the momentum going?

S – yes, it is hard to keep the momentum going but I do not want to give up. It has been such fun and I am sure we will have more time when the lambs are sold and my friend in Bournemouth is sorted out. Her husband has now died (which is a happy release as he was so ill) so she will have to make some decision about where she wants to live as she will need to go into a home, unfortunately.

C – I am sorry – you can only do your best as Bournemouth is quite a trip. I am sure things will be easier once she is settled somewhere.

Normal Service, Hopefully, To Be Resumed Shortly

S – yet again Camilla and I have had a day with limited communication. I have spent today with a very elderly friend of my late mother who is struggling with a lack of mobility and a very unwell husband. Camilla, having spent most of last week at the estate agents, has been busy catching up with housework and trying to spend some quality time with her Phoebe.

We have another good friend who is having a dreadful time at the moment with regard to family, so this has left us both with little that is “amusing and diverting”. Hopefully, normal service will be resumed shortly.

PS: I still have sore throat/virus (not great when visiting the elderly but I had no choice, as my presence was needed) and have decided to try wine instead of paracetamol – wine proving much more effective!

I’m Really In The Mood For A Quickie!!

8 February 2014

I have been sent some really funny pictures which I would like to share with you all. Thanks to Crystal for sending them, I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.

Think Sheshe was drinking out of this glass last night

Think Sheshe was drinking out of this glass last night

Could this be Sheshe and Camilla in a few years?

Could this be Sheshe and Camilla in a few years?

Wise words indeed

Wise words indeed

Our thoughts are with all the poor folks whose houses are still flooded; with more rain forecast there seems little hope of a reprieve any time soon.

I was hoping to get together with Sheshe to formulate our Exercise Regime/Plan B and weight loss programme, but find myself alone and blogging. Sheshe was out on the tiles yesterday with some “New Friends”. I was woken from my sleep late last night by my phone dinging. Thought it may be some news from George, but it was a very scrambled text from Sheshe – obviously a good time was had by all!! I spoke to her this morning and she was not up to coming over. I hope she feels better tomorrow. 🙂