Eyes Glazed Over And Definitely Past My “Sell By” Date

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

Having a Reggie Perrin moment! (Photo by lluviadeenlaces.wordpress.com)

14 January 2015

C – just thinking about lunch, I managed to make a ham roll before leaving the house, but have to be honest and say the roll is a bit past its sell by date, like me, so not over excited about eating it. May have to pop out and find something a bit more delicious to keep me going this afternoon. Any suggestions?

S – M&S always the best. I have dip and raw carrots – very healthy!

C – yum, I fancy some of that will pop down to M&S and see what they have to offer.

S – Michael brought me to work this morning as my car is in the garage – it failed its MOT – needs new headlight and wheel baring – about £200! What fun. Just seem to tip everything I earn into someone else’s pocket!

C – oh bugger it, bloody cars just drain every penny one has. I look around at the people in this office who seem to have lovely clothes, immaculate hair and are constantly holidaying in Shamal Shake (can’t spell it), or similar. I can’t even afford a weekend away, still have not paid this months Council Tax, credit card is maxed out and Toby is swanning around as if we do not have a care in the world!

S – holiday for the two of us in Sharm el Sheikh would be very nice! Still have all afternoon to go in this office – not sure I can stand it – it is also so cold here today!

C – lovely and toasty in my new temperature controlled office. Maybe that is why there is some woman here, the very wrong side of 50, walking around in an extremely short knitted skirt and a see through blouse; what is that all about? She clearly did not look in the mirror this morning. Am feeling out of shape myself. We really need to do some kind of low impact exercise at the gym. All this sitting and eating is just going to continue to pile on the pounds; maybe we could look at Pilates Classes. I know we have talked about this before, and nothing came of it, but we could go straight after work so then we won’t have to go home and come back again. We could change at the gym then take our sweaty bodies home afterwards. What do you think?

S – I think it is a good idea – will look at Leisure Centre website.  This time we need to take it seriously and do something.

C – well, am very bored and my eyes are glazeing over looking at this computer. I feel like running up and down the office screaming blue murder – reminds me of Reggie Perrin on the TV many years ago. Help, am sinking into depression.

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No Sense Of Adventure

Can't imagine why Camilla isn't keen! (Photo by www.flickr.com)

Can’t imagine why Camilla isn’t keen! (Photo by http://www.flickr.com)

5 January 2015

S – well I made it in at 0820 – yeh me. Children caught the bus. Jamie still not done all homework even though I have nagged all holiday. Happy New Year!!!

C – well done you. I seem to have piles of files on my desk and I don’t know where the lady I work with is today; no sign of her yet and it is gone nine. George has arrived home, his mood is sombre. He thought he had a job offer but it has fallen through. He does not go back until 5 February; God knows why because we have had to pay the bloody rent again for January because his finance does not get paid ’till 2 February. It’s so long since I logged into my PC I can’t remember my password!

S – 5 February – my God that is another month and all that rent!! Very quiet here.

C – did I tell you Toby has some plan to go away next weekend; according to him we need thinking time, Why? I have no money to spend on hotel and dinner.

S – where are you supposed to be going and what is the thinking time for?

C – God knows. I have to choose the venue. He did mention going away in the campervan – I was not amused. I can think at home; don’t need to spend money to think. He is obviously planning a trip away on his own and wants to soften the blow by taking me away. I do not need the hassle; just go.

S – what campervan – did not know you had one?

C – OMG have you not seen the heap of rust parked outside the flat. I can’t believe it has an MOT. It belongs to a friend of Toby’s but he does not have parking for it, so we have it rusting outside of our place. In return Toby gets to use it when he goes sailing away from home and needs accommodation. It was the campervan that George was driving in London when he got done for speeding and for the congestion charge!

S – have not seen it – and you don’t fancy a weekend of passion in the back of it – tut, tut – where is your sense of adventure???

C – gone, along with my good looks, and high spirits – a dim and distant memory!

I Don’t Believe It!

17 July 2014

S – can you believe it; a staff member has been redeployed to our section. She has been on long-term sick and, while she was away, they decided her post was surplus to requirements. So, here she is redeployed into my office – a good friend for “you know who!” How goes your day?

C – OMG cannot beleive that lazy cow has been redeployed, she was hopeless when we were working together and I cannot imagine she will have changed. They will make a good pair! Watch this space as they say!!! As for my day so far it has been hot, sticky and exhausting. I wish I could be paid for not working, like some of your colleagues. Toby left this morning for four days sailing in Cornwall so, as well as cleaning and the estate agents on Saturday, I also have to check all the stock – how is that going to work!!?? I suppose I will have to be up and about at 5.30 in the morning to cover my work load.

S – it is too much to ask. Come over to us on Sunday evening – at least you won’t have to cook if you eat with us; I will get Michael to do a BBQ. Is all quiet now in the antipodes – I assume all birthday celebrations and night clubbing are over?

C – BBQ on Sunday would be great – don’t let Michael cremate it!! Yes, things seem to have quietened down on the other side of the world, at least for the time being. Toby always remarks that “no news is good news” but I am not sure that I beleive that one. My view is that it is “the calm before the storm” but, all joking aside, I think they may be exhausted with all the party fun – at least let’s hope they are.

S – can’t cope with this heat I am melting and think I could have a case of prickly heat coming on. Remember our holiday in Spain when I suffered so badly from it?

C – yes, but it was great fun and we have some good memories (except for the prickly heat). Neither of us really do the heat do we? It is a good job we are not wealthy and trying to spend our cash on sun drenched holidays – every cloud has a silver lining!

Nipple Ring Has Been Removed!

A groovy time had by all, I think! (Photo by amazingworld.com)

A groovy time had by all, I think! (Photo by amazingworld.com)

15 July 2014

C – George and Patrick just called me from some bar in Melbourne – they were both shit faced and behaving very badly. I got cross with them for calling me at one in the morning from Patrick’s mobile, which will cost a fortune.

S – glad to hear they are both having a good time, even if you were woken by that mobile again.

Later …

C – had George and Peter on the phone again – they were still out raving at five in the morning – they were both very loud and full of themselves. I am hoping that George’s birthday weekend has come to a close now. The good news is that George has removed his nipple ring, as he could not wear it and play rugby – hooray for that!! How is work? We have 500 followers – a bit of a champagne moment I think!

S – work quite busy again. Good news about the followers – what we need now are more comments – we have to be more proactive in this respect I think and communicate more.

Could Not Leave It Buzzing By The Bed

Could this be him (Photo by www.mendiphillsaonb.org.uk

Can you spot the car? (Photo by http://www.mendiphillsaonb.org.uk)

2 July 2014

C – I forgot to say, blog fans are asking about Mr S – they are missing updates.

S – yes, he was one of our best characters. Bloody nuisance but very close to home, so worried about being found out. When blog goes viral and we have more money than we know what to do with he will be right back in there. In fact, he will be begging for a slot in the Book/Film/Play. No sign of him today as usual. Probably tucked away in some shady lay-by having a snooze!

C – yes, probably is. At second clean and I am dripping with sweat. I was expecting great things form you now that you have that sprancy new up-to-date mobile but I am only getting the same old stuff. Why are you not snapchatting and instagramming along with sending me photos – come on old girl!!

S – I may have up-to-date mobile but I do not have the contract to go with it. I have the same old SIM and the same £8 per month contract, so no snapchatting or instagramming for me – I do not have any free internet connection time and would not know what to do with it if I did.

C – oh, what a cheap skate you are. I had a text from George at 3.00am this morning – I could not leave it buzzing by the bed – had to look. His bank account was overdrawn and he did not know why. I have not heard a peep from him for three weeks and he only texted when he needed money. Went to the bank this morning but he had not signed to say I could talk about his account with the bank staff (as I had requested before he left). He thought there would be no need for me to get involved with his finances – how wrong could he be. One of the ladies behind the desk, who knows me, did take pity on me and gave a general indication of how much money I needed to put into the account to take it out of the red – thank God for someone with some common sense.

S – oh dear, more dramas from the Antipodes – I have all this to look forward to when mine are over there – or on a road trip in the USA, which seems to be what Sophie is planning for her gap year!

Close Your Eyes And Think Of England!

Must try not to do too much typing and, yes, I do remember using one like this!  (Photo by Robert Messenger)

Must try not to do too much typing and, yes, I do remember using one like this! (Photo by Robert Messenger)

4 June 2014

C – at first clean and leg is still bad this morning. Thought it felt better when I got up, but now I am on my feet it is not so good. Mind you I have been down to the stables, got horses in and taken dogs for a walk all before 7.45 am. Oh for a lay in! I have heard nothing from the antipodes – thought the phone would be red hot after I put those old photos of us all on Facebook.

Later …

C – have just been asked to get undressed for mammogram and now have to expose enormous lopsided boobs to nurse – what fun! And to boot I came out of the wrong door and ended up “flashing my bazookas” to the poor lady who was waiting to go after me!

S – oh dear – had mine last week and did not flash them to the general public. No, not fun but it has to be done. I am on DES Accounting Course at work and it is putting me to sleep. Get me out of here!

C – poor you, that DES is hideous – I had to do a course when I was on the bank staff. Close your eyes and think of England.

5 June 2014

S – Paul and Judy came for a drink last night. I definitely have a problem. Drank a shed load more than anyone else and feel ghastly this morning. Think the only answer is to go tea total, as I just don’t know when to stop. How is your leg?

C – leg still bad. Nearly finished antibiotics but they do not seem to have helped. I know what you mean about the drink but we only live once. I started on the red last night (after the white) – big mistake – only consolation is that I was able to have a lie in – didn’t have to get up until 7.30am, yippee.

S – getting up that late, whatever next?

C – oh hell – just had call from solicitors dealing with George’s university accommodation and they did not receive my cheque for £500 for the deposit for his rent. I know I sent it as I have the cheque stub and it was with the signed tenancy agreement, which they have – most peculiar. Have had to cancel the cheque and do a bank transfer for £500 which I thought I had paid – I must keep a tighter control on my finances!

S – keeping control of finances not easy. We don’t seem to manage it very well at all.

C – just arrived at Charminster clean. She was still home as running late. She was munching on something that did not look at all healthy. Kids were playing up and shouting lots – hooray, there is a God.

S – just arrived at work. My wrist is still bad but did not want to take day off sick (unlike others I could mention). So life is not all a bed or roses, wine and chocolates at Charminster, after all. Another one of hose perfect lives that is perhaps not so perfect.

C – yes, perhaps it is the case – I don’t think anyone’s life is perfect. If you can, try not to do too much typing!

Has Anyone Else Been Unfriended?

I have been unfriended!

I have been unfriended!

23 February 2014

C – it’s official, I found out today that I have been UNFRIENDED on facebook by my daughter and I did not feel a thing. I was discussing a photo that she had put on facebook that I had been kind enough to take for her, when I suddenly realised that it had not come up on my facebook wall. Following further questioning of the aforesaid daughter, it transpired that I had been UNFRIENDED. Just wait till she wants some item of clothing washed, ironed and ready to wear ten minutes before she goes out. I have a plan, I am going to get a very large piece of paper and write on it “you have been unfriended” and brandish it at her. Ok, after some thought maybe this is a bit childish and I should remember that I am the adult and able to rise above such childishness, but I am not sure I can do that.

S – ok keep calm. Maybe you should remove her laptop until you have been reinstated, as it is pretty important, when they are only 15, to keep an eye on there online activity.

C – think she can get on to Facebook with her phone so not sure it will get me anywhere. Hope your day has been better and that nobody has unfriended you today.

S – it’s and a mine field this modern parenting and takes some dealing with. Jamie has returned from his school trip minus a substantial amount of kit so have been berating him about that for a large part of the day.

C – oh well, at least I have some good news from George Of The Jungle. Had a phone call yesterday; he is in New Zealand South Island, with mates, chillaxing (as the young say) – sounds like he is having a great time, weather excellent and they have wheels so all is good.