Sex Always Sells, It Seems

16 July 2014

C – thank goodness Michael Gove has gone – we need a new Education Minister to do something positive. Lots of views on blog yesterday.

S – good – I am going to do a re-blog today of a post I have been saving from The Fearful Dragon. We so need to get together; are you free on Sunday?

C – am at dressage with Phoebe and we do not have our times yet. Just realised I have missed the chiropodist and she is on holiday during July and August.

S – phone her to see if she can fit you in later. Our damn tumble dryer has broken down. It is in pieces in the kitchen. Michael can fix it but we need a part and, as it is an American dryer, it could be difficult to get it.

C – nothing is ever easy. However, I have just phoned the chiropodist and she can fit me in later – hooray. Have you looked at our Facebook – the photo of the naked men cleaning a car has been very popular – sex always sells, it seems?

(S – here it is for those of you who have not seen it on Facebook).

Men and Car

Later …

C – after a morning spent cleaning I am now at the estate agents – they were short staffed and I need the extra cash. How are things at your end?

S – very quiet – is it busy down there?

C – manic – how is it that you always manage to land the easy jobs? I have a viewing at 3.30 pm and then I will be on the dreaded phone outs – not looking forward to that.

S – ah, but don’t forget you have those flats and that sofa you sit on every other Saturday, while I am nose to the grind stone!

C – forgot to tell you; Patrick and George were still partying last night and there was some issue over them gaining entrance to a night club. A small scuffle ensued invovling George and the bouncers. Fortunately, no arrests were made – can that boy never stay out of trouble and Patrick should now better at his age?

Be Prepared Girls!

12 June 2014

Michael found this very amusing!

Michael found this very amusing!

I could not enlarge the above but this is what it says – be prepared girls!!!

This is an actual extract from a sex education book for girls, printed in the early 1960s in the UK and explains why the world was much happier and peaceful then..!

“When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look you best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows in, in particular, your commitment to obey him.

If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband’s wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important that a woman’s. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.”

Must Get TV Fixed

I DO!

I Do! (Photo by The Weekly Gripe)

6 May 2014

S – first clean of the day and I have been left yet another note – added to the list today is to clean the skirting boards and woodwork (I always do them) plus could I iron a huge pile of shirts! Ironing is extra – not part of cleaning the house!!

C – how horrid of her – you cannot fit all that into two hours.

S – think I may need to leave a note of my own to remind her of my “Terms and Conditions” and ironing is not one of them. Could you text me the number of LT Morris as I need to get our aerial fixed. No TV again yesterday which resulted in bed for everyone at 9.00 o’clock – this needs to be avoided in future.

C – oh dear, all in bed at 9.00 o’clock with nothing to do – that is a very bad idea. You need TV to distract husband; will look up aerial man’s number and text it to you post haste.

S – ok, this is one for the blog – can you judge a man by his bed time reading? The man of the house I am cleaning at the moment is reading Analytics at Work; Smarter Decisions, Better Results – seem to remember Michael is always going on about reading the Kama Sutra – what does that say about him?

C – don’t ask; that’s what happens when you marry someone older who “remembers the 60’s!”– I just keep putting it back on the book shelf.

S – now at third clean of the day and am truly exhausted and fed up. Listening to Radio 4 and Reverend Flowers, the ex-chairman of the Co-op Bank, is blaming his use of Class A drugs on caring for his elderly mother. Could we take Class A drugs and blame it on caring for teenage children? Will he be defrocked do you think?

C – well, I think he should be. Am fed up also as my job share lady is on annual leave so I am having to fit her work in today as well – damn nuisance, I come to the office for a rest not to work!

S – how un-thoughtful of her to take leave – bloody work colleagues, no consideration for others.

Could Be Heading Down The Same Path As “Older” Korean Women!

It's in the name!

It’s in the name!

24 April 2014

C – listening to the radio whilst scrubbing and cleaning, as usual. Discussion being had about the reason for the increase in “older” Korean women turning to prostitution – could it be money?

S – well, I suppose they are able to earn more in twenty minutes than they would working all day in another job.

C – twenty minutes sounds a long time. I would have thought ten minutes would be ample.

S – yes, you are right, ten minutes is plenty of time.

Later …

S – lady you clean for is in the office today. She is very attractive and normally wears nice clothes but today she has definitely “lost the plot” and is wearing skinny jeans – I am sorry but you have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans; it’s in the name. Still, I suppose we all have those items in our wardrobe that we should really never have purchased!

C – I don’t have that problem as there are so few items in my wardrobe! I have just been looking at my credit card bill and think I will, unfortunately, be going down the same road as the aging Korean ladies soon. Every time I turn round someone else has got their fingers in my purse, and that includes Toby! 😦

Happy Birthday Sheshe !!!

18 April 2014

Hooray! Today is Sheshe’s birthday and I am happy to announce she is the same age as me now. Hope you are taking it easy today, try being a man for the day!! The caption reads “who needs sex when I have my micro fibre, anti static cloth?”

Saw this and thought of you.

Saw this and thought of you.

Do Not Disturb – At Our Age We Need Our Beauty Sleep

Not What We Had In Mind!

Not What We Had In Mind! (Photo by Nevit Dilmen)

25 March 2014

S – I had time to glance at The Times on Sunday and happened to read a column about the Skinny Bitch Fitness Regime, or Skinny Bitch Collective (SBC). The list of rules was as follows:

Eat – healthy proteins, fat and fibrous carbohydrates such as quinoa and sweet potato – don’t touch rice or grains.

Sleep – aim for seven hours unbroken sleep in a pitch-black room. Avoid TV and phones before bedtime.

Sex – as much as possible. The more you have, the more you are going to feel great. It boosts your body and skin.

Relationships – if there is a negative person in your life do your best to help them – and, if that does not work, cut them out.

Exercise – uber-primal: running, jumping, crawling, squatting. Train three times with my method and then to one yoga or more holistic session. Sunday sprints – uphill – are also a big thing for us.

Camilla’s comments on the above were:

Eat – what the hell is quinoa?

Sleep – what should you do before bedtime if you do not watch TV.

Sex – when are you supposed to be having this sex if you are getting seven hours unbroken sleep a night. Our aim would be to slide seamlessly from the shower into our freshly laundered sheets hanging up a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. Perhaps it is what one is supposed to be doing before going to bed, rather than watching TV.

Relationships – don’t let Toby and Michael see that one, they might be cutting us out.

Exercise – Camilla is getting quite enough “uphill sprinting” chasing those sheep – Toby always seems to get the quad bike!

Rich Baby Thinks We Need More Sexual Deviancy

Do you agree with Rich Baby?

Do you agree with Rich Baby?

10 March 2014

C – we are still facing huge technological challenges with the slowest broadband in the history of the world; it is nearly impossible to get things done. By the way we all pay the same monthly rate.

S – yes we do and it is something that I am always ranting to Michael about. It seems so unfair that we pay the same amount for half the service!

11 March 2014

C – the bloody bus went past Phoebe this morning again so I had to drive her in behind it, gnashing my teeth the whole way. Now at first clean and the owners have just returned from Oman – ten days in five star hotel, they already have a newsletter with photos on the kitchen table, so I have had to run through the whole holiday, yawn, yawn – it is alright for some. Apparently, they spent most of the holiday speaking French – thank goodness I did not get the ‘bonjour’ when the lady of the house opened the door. 🙂

S – now, now they are nice people and just happy to have someone to chat to about their holiday. Be patient with them.

Later …

C – just talking to our absent IT Guru, Richard. He thinks we need more raw emotion and deviant sex scenes in our blog to increase our followers. Any chance you can to the latter. I am just going to help with the sheep, so I am sure I will be able to do the raw emotion by the end of the day.

S – I am afraid no sexual deviancy in our household at the moment. The most exciting thing Michael (and I) have to look forward to is the hope that he will have a bowel movement in three days, after having had yet another operation.

C – could you not make something sexually deviant up, whilst waiting for this bowel movement?