Much Too Old For Family Plannning Clinics

I told her I can't possibly be pregnant!

I told her I can’t possibly be pregnant!

11 December 2013

S – just been chatting to a colleague on the phone who is a lesbian. She is off to Egypt for two weeks in March with her partner. It is all starting to look very attractive this lesbianism and I found myself thinking that two weeks in Egypt with a female companion would be very pleasant. Oh dear!!!

C – Yes, very pleasant unlike the hideous experience I have just had at the Family Planning Clinic. I went to have a certain contraceptive device checked which it turns out has been in situ, so to speak, for eight years. It is only effective for four years but I do not remember being told this when I had it put in place. So, I have been blindly ‘on the edge of pregnancy’ for four years; hell’s teeth! I then had to suffer a pregnancy and Chlamydia test. I told the nurse I had thankfully not had ‘it’ for at least six months due to surgery and that, if I was pregnant, I think I would be showing by now! However, she had a sense of humour failure and did not see the funny side of this.

Furthermore, I stated that I was sure I did not have Chlamydia as I have had been married to the same man for twenty-seven years; but she was not having any of my feeble excuses. She did mention that my blood press was a little on the high side. Grinding my teeth I thought “is it any wonder after all the crap I have listened to this afternoon” but smiled sweetly at her. At fifty two and two days old I thought I had finished with all this malarkey.

The bad news is that I have to wait a week for the results. The good new is, no conjugal activities for two weeks (I did ask if she could write me a note to show my husband, but again not even a small chuckle). She did not even smile when I said that, if I do have Chlamydia, my husband will be ‘out on his ear’ and I will have no need for the above mentioned contraception!

S – By the way, was talking to someone in the know about this TWITTER thing and it seems we need to upload our sheep on to a banner. Not a clue how to do this. See you later at the dreaded Parents Evening. Do I feel another mountain to climb ahead of us?

C – I was thinking of taking my special glasses with the lights to parents evening. Do you think Pheobe will forgive me if I switch them on by accident in a bid to lighten the atmosphere, if things get tense?

S – NO definitely not

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