Long And Slow, Like A Cold Beer

Long and Slow (Photo by Afonso Lima)

Long and Slow (Photo by Afonso Lima)

1 June 2014

C – just at House of Health and Beauty with Phoebe – she is having her eyebrows done. Some woman in waiting room looks like the back end of a bus in leggings and t-shirt. She got up to go for treatment with her t-shirt up over her bottom and she has a wedge!

2 June 2014

S – How goes it at estate agents?

C – long and slow like a cold beer which is what I could do with now. Feathers have been ruffled in your office by the new PA I understand.

S – yes, I have heard the same.

C – I am at the sea front, feel like crap as I drank too much last night – why do I do that whenever I go out? I have no self control. Flat out with viewings all day – hell’s teeth. I hear there is trouble at your end already.

S – yes, big row between Laura and Phillip. I only have two viewings – others are keeping expensive properties for themselves and giving me crap ones. I want to come to your office.

C – that is rubbish, I would be fuming. What was the row about?

S – did you go anywhere nice last night? Row was about nothing really; Laura was fussing about the fact that a staff member turned up at our office instead of the Purbeck one and Phillip hit the roof as he had not yet had his Costa Coffee and it was only 8.29am! I want to come to your office.

C – La Caverna, yes it was very good and we managed not to row which was amazing. Think the other lady will retire soon so hopefully not long now. We are having KFC for lunch, yippee.

S – well done not rowing, were you alone or was it the company that stopped the rowing. PS: I have been told by “she of the beige stilettos” that my footwear is not appropriate. Hells teeth as you would say.

C – no, just two of us. Just at viewing at smart £800,000 flat but apparently viewers are time wasters who look at houses for a hobby but never buy. I have a viewing this afternoon with some woman who has won the lottery – lucky cow.

S – So you are trusted with the expensive ones, unlike me.

C – what difference does your footwear make – wait until she is middle aged. Am now at open afternoon at flats with my feet up on my sofa. Apparently, they are happy to sell me the sofas when all flats are sold – great!

S – can you ask about the blue sofa in the other apartment, that one has my name on it.

C – ok, but the penthouse flats have still not been sold, so could be a while.

S – no problem, as I am not in a hurry.

C – damn – viewing with lottery winner has been cancelled – just my luck.

S – just wait till we win the lottery; we will be on our gin palace sipping vino being waited on hand, foot and finger but some eye candy – none of that leaning over the edge and sailing nonsense.

C – talking about leaning over the edge, I have just pulled in at Osmington Mills and, upon glancing out to sea, I spotted my husband in his sailing boat – how the other half live – it can’t be right!!

S – no, not right. I have just had another wasted viewing. I wish staff would ask more questions and truly find out what viewers want so we do not take people to houses they will never want to buy.

C – just had Patrick on the phone and George has done his first night washing up in the restaurant – he now has dish-pan, hands which is a first!

3 June 2014

C – just heading out of the door – infection in my leg is agony but, as per usual, I have to go as I need the money.

S – let me know if I can do anything.

C – got to second clean and they are having a new boiler fitted so am going home, thank goodness – leg has swollen visibly and is very painful.

S – just at doctor’s myself and spotted someone in the waiting room who I do not want to engage with so have decided to hide in the lavatory; if anyone tries the door I will cough loudly and stumble out with magazine in front of my face.

C – bloody hell, just seen the Echo and Dukes sold a miniature vase for £45,000 – why can’t that happen to us?

S- bloody typical. I am at hospital waiting to see consultant for my Temporomandibular joint disorder; am sure it will be a waste of time and that nothing will come of it, as I am not exactly a priority.

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