Any More Trouble And I Will Be Getting Out The Mint Sauce!

Butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths!

9 February 2014

C – have finally had a short text from George; he is trekking in the jungle in Chiang Mai – I have Googled it and it looks amazing.

S – have looked myself and certainly think it will be fun – good job you paid for all those jabs and packed him off with those water purifying tablets.

C – yes, can’t imagine you can buy bottled water in the jungle.

Later Telephone Call …

C – have just had two hours from hell. Yesterday, one of Toby’s sheep was not looking at all well. He moved the flock to a fresh field (yet more rent to pay) but gave the poorly one an injection, and left it alone in the original pasture to recover. On his return, it had made a remarkable recovery and was springing around the field like a Thomson’s Gazelle. Toby asked me to help him load it in the trailer and there began our problems.

I was despatched as “sheep dog” to search for the errant animal, as the ground was too boggy for the truck. I spotted it on the horizon, resting easy (I swear if it had, had fingers it would have been doing the V’s up). Upon my approach it took off yet again through and over fences with grace and ease (unlike me) and ended up on the track in front of Toby who had no chance of catching it. We followed it in the truck for about half a mile until we came to the farm yard. At this point we congratulated ourselves that we now had it cornered. How wrong could we be? After a couple of circuits dodging in and out of doorways and abandoned machinery it gave us the slip and headed for the main road. At this point Toby was remonstrating that he wished it had not recovered from it’s earlier near fatal ailment. Bold as brass it trotted down the Main A352, Dorchester to Broadmayne road with gay abandon, avoiding several unsuspecting motorists on the way back from Church!! As the escapee was now well out of our control, and vision, Toby tipped me out of the truck to continue pursuit on foot (thank God for that long awaited surgery). He retraced our steps to close all the gates we had left open.

I was now running towards The Black Dog at Broadmayne expecting the worst but there was no sign of “Lamb Chop”! I scanned gardens left and right for any movement and there it was, large as life, standing next to a brand new, navy blue Jaguar parked in someone’s drive. I shut the gates to the drive and phoned Toby and, for once, he actually answered it! After a few choice expletives I gave him my exact location and told him to move his arse! A plan of action was formulated which included making contact with the house owner before giving chase in the back garden, which happened to be awash with children’s out door toys, including a large trampoline. We, fortunately, failed to raise anyone and Toby spotted the opportunity to corral the sheep down a narrow passage at the side of the house. Yet again, I was sheep dog and finally this plan worked a treat. We both managed to get one side of this animal each and man handled it through the jockey door of the trailer. I have taken a photograph of it on my phone and if it causes any more trouble it will be lamb chops before it can blink!!!

We let it out into the field and it was delighted to see all its friends and took off yet again. I mentioned to Toby that whatever he had given it in that syringe I WANT SOME!! I wonder if it has any weight loss benefits? So, if anyone asks you to move a lone sheep say that you would “rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick”.