Must Not Drink Too Much At Celebrity Lunches

Best we could do on the large house front!

Best we could do on the large house front!

17 April 2013

C – just arrived at new clean at Manor House – bloody great place, acres of garden, stables and possibly a pool. Wish I had bagged a rich man – I was obviously not moving in the right circles. PS – makes my house look like a lean to shed.

S – oh well, we must crack on with book then we can have large house with pool and stables of our own.

18 April 2013 – My Birthday

S – 50 damn 1 today and sitting at my lowly desk. We must not be in the same place next year. Will try to crack on with book if quiet. Good lunch yesterday.

C – I know – it sucks but could be worse, not much I grant you but you could be like me suffering with stress incontinence and weeing yourself at the drop of a hat – getting around with your gusset awash is nothing to shout about. Lunch good – shame we are not out tonight getting down at Spoons; would be fun. PS: at least you are not pushing a vacuum cleaner around for a living. For all my qualifications I cannot get one cheek of may arse on a chair at your office – God knows I have tried.

S – you have a point. I will keep both my cheeks firmly on chair and thank my lucky stars.

C – chins up as they say. Just started second clean; it’s hell – a horrid little house – the old couple are always in and they both chain smoke and drink heavily. Where is my knight in shining armour – what have I done to deserve such a hideous existence? What time will you finish? Are you having birthday cake?

S – finish at four, then to town and kids at 5.30pm. What an exciting day! Will have cake tomorrow. Is Phoebe coming home with my two tomorrow?

C – yes, she will be on the bus.

S – just jammed my finger in staple extracting device at work – it hurt.

C – well if you insist on living life on the edge – sounds like industrial injury to me. Could be compensation needed – financial of course. Just think how wonderful it will be when all we have to do is the odd book signing and celebrity lunches – must make mental note not to drink too much at celebrity lunches, as do not want to look like a couple of lushes. xx

S – well, it will give the tabloids something to print.

C – just in M&S and managed to purchase last two bottles of Lost Sheep! Today is looking up. xx

S – none left for me then – just about to leave work.

C – sorry, needs must!

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